The Truth about Rona

So listen,

Pandemics are not new… SARS, HIV, Ebola, the Bubonic Plague, cholera. But let’s talk about the very real human cost of a pandemic such as this, that leads to quarantine and social isolation. Corona Virus, aka Rona, she is not a sweet ole girl… she’s more like a… social, economic, and emotional savage. She gives no fucks, has RBF like a mug, and she will be cruel.

The Truth About Rona…

We already have seen and heard every way this virus has spread and how we can help prevent it. There is no vaccine and in America there are few tests. In addition to the physical challenges, Rona doesn’t just stop there. Recently I started a business, the blackkside, a social experience sharing and curation company in Detroit, which promotes cultural inclusivity in new businesses. So first, Rona is a sack chaser because she wants all my money. I can’t get the bag if we can’t go into social venues and restaurants. She’s eating my 401k and investments for breakfast and lunch. Bag thwarted. But when they take our bag, we buy low … stocks that is. That was a freebie for ya!

Then there is the psychological cost…

Anxiety and depression are real, but not one in the same. My business partner is Kafi… she’s our team social butterfly. She is ready to go all the time. I am the business mind… budgets and organization. I’m the DJ, she’s the rapper. Kafi goes out on Tuesdays. She’s a regular like Norm at her local bar. She never meets a stranger, and will probably hug you every time she sees you or parts ways with you.

Kafi needs social interaction because she’s an extreme extrovert. Lack of human socialization for someone like Kafi can lead to loneliness and ultimately depression. Today in Michigan all restaurants and bars were ordered to close with only delivery and take out options available. Most workers are working from home. Group events over 50 are prohibited, and soon a curfew may be instituted as in New Jersey. Kafi is not okay… I mean she is, but she needs her friends and family to check on her, offer to visit, invite her over. She doesn’t have the Rona but the Rona ain’t making her feel good inside.

Depression can be acute or chronic, situational or long term. Either way, it needs to be taken seriously and individuals who feel like they are moving from basic boredom and loneliness to a deeper and more emotionally difficult state need to reach out to others during this time. Pandemics are not just about the virus, the economic impact, and being infected. The truth about Rona is that she won’t just hurt you physically, yep she’s violent, but she can also leave you feeling emotionally unbalanced. Be proactive and find ways to have some small social interaction to keep yourself healthy in every way.

Now, me, I’m an introvert. A lot of people don’t believe me, but trust me I’d rather be home, in my pjs, with a few folks I really dig, than in a group with too much talking. This whole thing has affected me in a much different way. “Stay home. Stay away from folks. Stay watching Netflix. Stay happy!!!!” That’s my current ministry… and the threat of this virus outside of that safe bubble gives me anxiety. I mean I’m the poster child of wishing I was home alone.

Today, after a weekend of social distancing, I had to present at my job where I interview people from every country under the sun, many of whom have likely traveled, been around someone with the virus, and desperate to get the benefit they present for. It is not an unlikely idea that people who might be infected could end up less than three feet in front of me… coughing like a non-cigar smoker in Churchills. The very thought of that as I got dressed this morning made me sweat. I started feeling anxious, and just wanted to get back in my safe and quiet bed. But alas, I could not. I got in the car and listened to some of the raunchiest and murderous rap music I could find… it calmed me. Don’t judge me mmm kay.

I walked in the building, cleaning each knob or handle with my Lysol wipes before I touched it, and the sweat again caused my hair to cling to my forehead. It wasn’t until it was confirmed that we could work from home that I calmed down fully and all worry left me. I was feeling full on anxiety at the thought of having to interact with people who might present despite their travel or health history. Sure enough, a guy who had returned from China less than 15 days ago sat in my co-workers office smiling at her waiting on her to start his interview, like he wasn’t exposed to the plague a few short days ago. Luckily she discovered his travel and promptly escorted him out. Had that been me, I might have spazzed out on his premeditated pandemic spreading ass. I will happily sit at home… it’s going out DURING A PANDEMIC that’s my problem. I mean don’t nobody want Rona.

So check on your people. Whether they are extroverted or introverted, this new normal may cause some mental health issues that we might be ignoring because of the exponential spread of COVID-19. In the meantime, if you are extroverted, FaceTime a friend or have a FB Live dance or craft party (people will watch because they are weird voyeurs). If you are introverted, you should be good. But it’s safe to make it official… every little step you take outside, Rona is definitely in control… You, you, you know it!

Be safe and stay well.

Js

I love Jordan’s… Retro 1s and 3s to be specific, and while Concords aren’t as consistently dropped, those joints are fire too. Sometimes it takes one retro drop to bring out another. Gotta have your money ready for it.

I also love hip hop.

Two Jays dropped Thursday night… and it was truly a collaboration between Jay Electronica, who has been dropping his elusive debut album for over ten years, and Jay-Z, his mentor and arguably at 50 the GOAT MC. Dude is spittin at 50 like most dudes tryna spit at 25 or 30, creatively. He’s reached the age of no fucks given. He ain’t holding back the bars anymore.

“If skills sold truth be told
I’d probably be lyrically Talib Kweli”
-Jay Z, Moment of Clarity

Electronica, always the lyricist, would drop these masterpieces of song off and get everyone excited about this debut… that never came. In reality, I don’t know that that is what we got this time either. It was like to get those Jay Es to drop, those Jay Zs had to release a new color way so we could cop them both. A lot of y’all are complaining, but both those joints are fire… just not what you expected. But expectations keep you disappointed. This was no disappointment. It was lyrical boxing, fancy footwork, grand entrances, and all. It’s what you get when you let creatives just…Create. Both of these men aren’t moved by what is dictated as popular by public consumption. This is excellence because it’s unexpected. It’s reminiscent of Only Built for Cuban Linx. Raekwon and Ghostfaces verbal tag team.

A Written Testimony is Watch the Throne II. It’s not the same as WTT but it is definitely it’s long lost cousin. The big difference is Kanye outshined Jay on WTT, purposely so because he had just dropped arguably his best work, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Romance… so he was on fire. We know Jay is good at keeping the peeling on and not revealing all of himself. There he let Ye do his thing and kinda just supported. But this… is different. Dude was full on onion, either slice up these words too or mine will make you cry. Plus he big ups Lil Elt with the Get the Gat hook. Roc Nation is an army better yet a navy.

50 year old Jay Z is a wild boy.

“Listen, I named my son, Sir, so you gotta call my son, “Sir”
That boy already knighted, he ain’t even out his romper
That gossip I send bald heads, Lou Gossett out the gun, sir
I’m brazy, I’m so brazen, I’m “Raisin in the Sun” sir“-Jay-Z, The Blinding

He’s better. 4.44 let us know he had an arsenal of shit to stay past the point most rappers have sat down and started buying wings franchises. He let er go on A Written Testilimony, and rightfully so. We called this a debut album, but it’s a mentor challenging his mentee to be greater. You can’t put out bullshit after waiting for ten years yo. So let’s shadow box in this joint and see what you go.

I mean look… Jay Z is playing hip hop hop scotch.

If you didn’t have no straps, you couldn’t wear your necklace
Niggas hand around your throat, that’s a choker reference…

Then picks it back up bars later…

You mouth off for the cameras, I make a silent movie
Now here’s some jewelry
No civilization is conquered from the outside until it destroys itself from within
Pen, put a pin in that, will come back when I fin
You can’t talk like I talk ’cause you ain’t been where I been, young.
” -Jay-Z, The Ghost of Soulja Slim

Electronica often follows and here pays homage to Jay:

“If it come from me and Hov, consider it Qur’an
If it come from any of those, consider it Harām
The minaret that Jigga built me on the Dome of the Roc
Was crafted, so beautifully, consider this Adhan
From a hard place and a rock to the Roc Nation of Islam
I emerged on the wave that Tidal made to drop bombs”
-Jay Electronica, The Ghost of Soulja Slim

They are two heavyweights but Jay is Evander and Electronica is Tyson… and you gotta do more than bite at ears to win the crown. Jay Electronica was eventually outrapped by Jay-Z… he ain’t the first one, but he sparred with dude like a G. His real solo debut, that shit will be some five mics shit. Let’s be real, in a sea of dudes who call themselves Baby, there is no doubt that Jay Electronica is a beast among men… but you gotta put out whole projects to show those skills. Put the heavyweight equivalents of Exhibit C, Road to Perdition, and Letters to Falon on an album.

“It’s the return of Mr. Shakur spittin’ out phlegm at paparazzi
That’s my new style“-Electronica

Electronica was made better by this collab. His lyrics were crisper, both spiritual and brutal. You can honor Allah and your ferocity on the mic simultaneously. The production Electronica did on this album was phenomenal. He makes beats that he can freak to, and he rides those bitches with expertise. I personally can’t wait to see what dude does next. WTT was the mentor releasing his mentee out to the world, this was no different, but since Electronica’s drops are inconsistent… Jay basically put him through boot camp on wax first to prove him ready. In this corner…

“Some ask me “Jay, man, why come for so many years you been exempt?”
‘Cause familiarity don’t breed gratitude, just contempt
And the price of sanity is too damn high, just like the rent
Mm-mm-mm, mm-mm-mm, uh, uh
Sometimes I was held down by the gravity of my pen
Sometimes I was held down by the gravity of my sin Sometimes, like Santiago, at crucial points of my novel
My only logical option was to transform into the wind”-
Electronica

He’s ripe and ready… lyrically we had no doubt, but he’s locked in spiritually and mentally now. And he’s right, there is no coming back from immense fame, and sometimes like Paul Coehlo’s character Santiago in The Alchemist , you just have to stop and confer with nature on your journey and the wind will escort you to your next destination in your journey. You can’t do anything but learn from verbal sparring with Jay-Z. They call you Jay Electronica, Jay ElecHannukah, Jay ElecYarmulke, Jay ElectRamadaan, Muhammad Asalaamica RasoulAllah. I bet Jay-Z calls you Timothy Thedford. I mean everyone has to call his son, Sir. Now go light some of Badu’s panties and get in the zone.

If you surrender to the wind, you can ride it.“-Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon

The Cloak of Men of Color

Is this your King…

Black men, if you have a penchant for using women’s thighs as your hand warmers and their breasts as your stress balls because “that’s what men do”… nope. That is not your ministry my G. The same rules don’t apply to you. Just ask

•Bill
•Robert… or R-rah ( as in Kelly … luckily this is written because I refuse to utter his nasty name)
•Tavis
•Russell
•Morgan (“Say it Ain’t So” Freeman… I mean Grandpa Mo cant be out here playing God and tryna go up folks skirts)
•Neil (deGrasse Tyson… even brilliant men do dumb shit), and whatever other brother who has been accused or found guilty of sexual harassment or assault. This ain’t your game.

I am attributing no blame to any of these men… well except the one guy, who “made the water” on folks… but you are not like your counterparts. You cannot make excuses like good old Tavis Smiley who claimed that since his company didn’t forbid sexual relations and he gave no positive or negative favoritism, that he had done no wrong. Stop it Smiley… your penis is too friendly. You cannot don the male supremacy cloak to shield your wrongdoing. That vestment is only for White men. You cannot act like there is no uneven power dynamic between a man and his female subordinate who are doing the sex. You certainly can’t expect Black women to excuse your foolishness.

My brothers, these rules that your White male bosses and the guys on the golf course live by do not apply to you. You all have been hoodwinked into the realm of male impropriety and fuckboy shit. These men were pillaging the bodies of African women during slavery, your wives, sisters, children in front of you. These men are continuously allowed to grab women’s body parts by their own admission, then go on to be President. They harass the women they employ and become billionaires. Then there is your Svengali.

Clarence Thomas was nominated to the Supreme Court in 1991 after a nomination process that exposed his blatant and disgusting sexual harassment of Anita Hill, a brilliant law professor and a Black woman. The guy who likes pubic hairs in his Coca-Cola took the place of our beloved first African-American justice, Thurgood Marshall. Seems like he got away with his transgressions. Well, He’s a Constitutional textualist whose carob colored ass surely would have been seen as 3/5ths. He’s the courts MOST conservative judge despite the myriad of civil rights, race and gender based cases he’s heard during his tenure. He will invoke anti-integrationalism and limited federal powers to uphold his stance that the law is colorblind and unable to even out the playing field caused by racism.

Harriet and Frederick would rebuke him, but what’s an ancestor to a turncoat? The powers that be knew he’d promote this extreme conservatism to fuel their white male supremacy. Moreover his victim was a Black woman…no one really gives a shit but other Black women. Yet Bill Cosby, who was drugging White women left and right, got the hammer.

Rich nigga, poor nigga… still nigga.” -Jay-Z

Male supremacy is born of hierarchy and power. They once cut off your feet so you couldn’t run. Now they entice you with their dominance to effectively stop your forward progress, our forward progress. They convince you to overpower and show your dominance to Black women, when that’s not our ancestral model. You oblige them so you leave us no choice. Black women will continue to speak up and out against sexual abuse at your hands, not because we only want to punish you, but as a matter of proximity… we are your first line of impropriety. It is our responsibility to stop you and protect ourselves, if you won’t do it. So we shall. But you share in that responsibility.

Why become Male Supremacists, when you are born Kings. Kings don’t need to force dominance, they don’t need cloaks, they are born with crowns, and they sure as hell don’t like pubic hairs in their carbonated beverages.

A good man treats women with honor. -Prophet Muhammad

Building ships

I’m invoking Jermaine Jackson for some musical inspiration… that’s pre-hair shellac Jermaine, but post Jackson 5 nostrils Jermaine…

“We’re like two ships on the ocean/That pass through the night”-Jermaine Jackson

Some people we pick, others the universe just kinda puts in our face. I’ve found a lot of my personal picks were based off of things that don’t really matter once you get put into the open sea…how they looked, their background, education level, wealth, shoe game, whatever. It was like judging the ability of an ocean liner to stay afloat based on its name… The World Traveller might not make it off the shore. The universe pushes you towards people who will do your soul good and away from people who only mean you harm. It’s in the ions and shit. Two separate ships in the night just pass one another, but when we are trying to build a ship together, we need to really unite on a soul level.

I have bestie who is like my square, that person you go to to get back on point, who reminds you who TF you are when you forget, who stands on the mound and goes to bat for you, but who also calls you on your fouls. I have a man that supports me, loves me, ensures that I am well emotionally and will defend my honor physically if need be. My mama is dope, and tells me I’m smart and responsible and better. Those are the main ships in my fleet. But I have space and room in the docks. Some of my folks don’t seem to make sense if you think you know me or you think you know them… you base that on mostly visual and some social perceptions. But relationship building, is much like building a ship…

One will weave the canvas; another will fell a tree by the light of his ax. Yet another will forge nails, and there will be others who observe the stars to learn how to navigate. And yet all will be as one. Building a boat isn’t about weaving canvas, forging nails, or reading the sky. It’s about giving a shared taste for the sea, by the light of which you will see nothing contradictory but rather a community of love. – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry in “Citadelle”

You see, you are drawn to, you often don’t pick, your team. The group of people who help you reach higher ground. My team is so beasty! One a motivator; another who lives in service to others, a constant supporter; yet another who is organized will keep you on task and structured in your grind; and then the one that keeps the laughs and the party going when you most need them. You come together with these people individually and build rowboats, lifeboats, motorboats, to get you both where you need to be from day to day. Then often those people come together in a way to help you go from shore to shore. Whether one person or several, they are supportive, kind, empathetic, attentive… things that you wouldn’t know extrinsically about someone who just enters your life. But your energy brought them to you. After all, we are all just beings made up of energy, it’s in the ions and shit.

In high school my friends were cute and super smart, and some small part of me at 15 cared that they were cute and super smart … but they were also good people who had my back. Those same girls were the women who watched my son when I was sick, kept my home stocked with groceries so my ex-husband wouldn’t starve, and flew to see me in No Man’s Land, Oklahoma when some raggedy dude was acting an ass and I felt alone in that godforsaken town. In college, many of the guys I met … I probably only paid attention to at 18, in part, because they had good teeth, handsome bone structure, and cars. Yet many of them have become friends who I learn from constantly . I have also made some friends who, like me, were successful and no nonsense, but they liked me better when I was standoffish and uninterested in new people. They are no longer my friends because I changed, grew, opened up, and they didn’t like my progress. Most of the friends I have made more recently, might not even seem like “my kind” of people to outsiders… but yet we connect deeper. You can’t see souls, you can only feel them!

Smiley and Frowny
Winky and Side Eyer
Extravert and Introvert
Tall’ums and Short’ums

Don’t judge books by their covers, ships by the names emblazoned on the side, people by your assumptions. You are likely wrong. I mean who knew in the 2003 Kentucky Derby, Funny Cide would beat Empire Maker… I mean who sounds faster, stronger, more horse racey? But when your grandfathers are Slewacide and Forty Niner, and your stable mate is a young American Pharoah (Triple Crown winner) you might just be a beast! Always, always, bet on beasty! It’s in the ions and shit!

Blacksplaining and a Jiving

If you are a woman you have had some guy mansplain, or discuss something from his perspective as a man in a condescending or oversimplified manner, to you like you were an idiot… it happens with everything from football to cars, BBQing to driving. It’s irritating AF, and there is no greater joy than saying whatever was mansplained to you back in the simplest words ever. Cuz I don’t need your explanation and I certainly don’t need your patriarchy. But have you been blacksplained… I have, it frankly sucks worse.

So here’s the deal… typically this condescension is from one group to another, so there is at least the idea of impropriety. But blacksplaining can happen in group or out group. Being Black is no particular experience. Being a Black woman, I might have many similarities with a Black woman or even a Black man, but chances are our differences are just as great. Class, education level, experiences, opportunity, etc. play a very large part in our reality. But when the hoteps and shoteps start (s)hoteping, they are looking for something to trivialize and simplify the general Black experience, particularly the Black woman’s experience. I say nope.

Blacksplainers… we ain’t lucky we got em!

It usually starts with some form of the following:

“There is a history of…” “

Black people have been…”

“The stereotypical image of…”

“As a Black woman…”

Ma’am or Sir, we are not a monolith. Just like mansplaining, blacksplaining is usually based wholly on opinion or individual experience but then extrapolated to the larger group as if we are all the same. We are not. Chances are if the idea or thought you are trying to fight is hitting you so hard personally, it’s personal. I know my people’s history just as well as you do. I read. I’m educated. I know some shit. But if I give an opinion or individual experience… that is what it is… period. I don’t need your explanations.

I recently had a dialogue about Black women’s wants and needs versus those of White women. I was hit with this full on case study about who, what, where, and why. I’m a Black woman. My counterpart in this dialogue was as well. I’m sure she thinks she educated me… nawww. I knew that shit. I also think she oversimplified and overgeneralized, as well as based her theory off of unfair comparisons to White women. That happens a lot. The blacksplaining is rooted in this White-centered reality that simply doesn’t apply to us. ” White people go for the gold and we are satisfied with the bronze because at least it’s a prize…” type shit. But perhaps we were most concerned with placing because we never had, and we wanted to clear one hurdle at a time! Don’t attempt to shush me with your long winded soliloquy of silliness or paint my Black as beautiful only when it’s whitewashed. Don’t do it.

One reason why Black women are tired is everyone is trying to tell us what we should believe, do, think, say, look like… and our own folks are trying to blacksplain us into submission. Blacksplain it to yo mama… or just keep it away from me. FOH!

Mama’s don’t let your babies grow up to be f*ckboys

fuckboy /f-uh-k-boi/ n. a male who wants the benefits of engaging in meaningful and worthwhile relationships without the responsibility and commitment required to sustain such a relationship; a man who manipulates his way into the lives of others with lies, empty promises, and bad intentions; a BAN.

Ladies and gents, our topic is fuckboys.We are surrounded by them. From Harvey Weinstein, Michael Bloomberg, and Donald Trump. To Tyrone who grew up on Stahelin and Six Mile, Louise’s son with the four kids by four different women, John, Mohammed, Omar, Julius, Abraham, and Marcus. They come from every walk of life, in every age, race, height, and bank account balance. If most of us ladies are honest, we’ve entertained a few at the very least. Some of us woke up next to one this morning. Fuckboys are everywhere… but we can prevent their spread.

Just the other day Harvey Weinstein was found guilty of sexually assaulting women… and has a bitter history of using his money and power to mistreat women. Imagine that, the King of Fuckboys found guilty. Perhaps we’ll see a lessening of the phenomenon now that the poster child for its most vile example has been outed… Probably not, but a girl can dream. Trust me, I know a fuckboy when I see them; I’ve had my share of fuckboy experiences. However, the last time, some sort of vaccine spread through me as I finally figured out their kryptonite… being outed publicly. Let’s first tell the truth and shame the fuckboy… they will recognize themselves. Let’s also go deeper.

Since the beginning of time, women have been told we should strive for aesthetic perfection, and men that they should strive to have as many aesthetically perfect women as possible. Some fuckboys are created in nature. But almost every bonafide fuckboy I’ve known or heard of was created by his mother, a product of nurture. Oedipus, in mythology was a young boy who dreamed of marrying his mother. Now while the oedipus complex is not typically that wild, in the real world the general premise that girls are often emotionally closer to their fathers, and boys closer to their mothers holds true. But when there is a lack of a close relationship, we often see both a difficulty in relating to the opposite sex and an internalization of the negative traits of that parent. So for example, Donald Trump, it’s said, had very little relationship with his mother, who left the raising of boys to their father. As the more benevolent of his parents, her absence led to him instead taking on the very shrewd and grandiose traits of his father and inheriting her absence and lack of responsibility. Likewise, Harvey Weinstein’s mother was allegedly very showy, bossy, and shrill, making her sons feel inadequate aesthetically and their father emasculated. No surprises there! I can assure you all the fuckboys I’ve known have had some iteration of an absent, unreliable, controlling, or coddling mother.

All the nopes in Nopelandia ladies…

It is imperative that as mothers to sons we ensure we are present and loving, but we consistently take responsibility for our actions and demand they do so as well, while giving them some autonomy. We must not treat our sons like 1) our husband’s responsibility- being hands off ; 2) a stand-in for a husband-expecting them to comfort us, take care of us, and cater to our needs; 3) extensions of their absent fathers- to take out our anger and disappointment on; or 4) our personal stuffed animals- coddling them and keeping them helpless so we feel needed and necessary. Nope!

These young boys are not our punching bags or our therapists. That shit is toxic. I once knew a man whose mother had several male children to whom she couldn’t identify their biological fathers. One of those children grew into a man with four children by four different women, each of whom he’s been abusive towards in some manner. While he’s a serial monogamist and clearly likes sex with women, he hates women. Clearly. He hates women because his mother abandoned him in every way possible… and demonstrated she didn’t like him very much. She then sent him into the world to lay those burdens down at the feet of other women. Be clear, his mother is not responsible for his actions, he is. However she created that fuckboy. What’s his mama’s name… Fuckboy Creator!

So ladies let’s be sure we aren’t confusing or blaming our children for the men we picked. Let’s ensure we heal our hurt so we don’t package it into gifts for our sons on birthdays and Christmas. Let’s not create the fuckboys that our elementary school classmate’s daughters have to deal with. Let’s instead teach our sons to treat people with kindness, to respect us as their mothers and as women, and to take consistent and complete responsibility for their actions and reactions. On a personal front, let’s love them so they know how to demonstrate love, remember they are seeds that will grow to bear different rings and fruit than any other before them. Let’s also be consistently and completely responsible for our own scars so we don’t in turn scar them!

Mamas… don’t let your babies grow up to be fuckboys! Oh… and get rid of that one you got!

The Blues on my Left

The Blues has always been totally American
As American as apple pie
As American as The Blues
As American as apple pie
The question is why?
Why should he Blues be so at home here?
Well, America provided the atmosphere
– Warren G, Do You See

Listen y’all… I’m gonna make an impassioned plea for y’all to get wise and stop all of this foolishness goings on regarding this election. Let’s not spread foolishness and fuck shit… please.

1. We can decide we will vote for the Democratic candidate and STILL decide who that nominee will be, or better yet won’t be. We can do both. There is nothing that says I must vote for a racist and sexist vile human being on either side of the ticket… because he’s Democrat. Nope.

2. We can be honest about who these candidates are and what they stand for during the primary, when we are supposed to do just that. Debating about who is better does nothing to fuel the incumbent. Nothing.

3. The rules are different for minorities (hence why we have ZERO on the ballots as of today) and women. Period. There are two women running for the Democratic ticket, no minorities. Inclusivity and diversity are buzz words with no real meaning it seems.

This is America! It is a White Patriarchy. It is born of racist ideology. It’s patriarchy is promulgated by its sexism. It justifies its sexism and racism by implementing policies and systems that keep women and minorities on the lower end of the wealth spectrum thus forcing women and minorities to rely upon them to get a piece of the pie. But women rising up to realize their full potential risk and power is a more dangerous premise for White men. Especially White women.

Hear me clear. No longer satisfied simply being his mate, when she is now interested in doing for herself and controlling her own outcomes, that’s a huge problem for many rich White men. I’m sure you are thinking… nawwwww it’s Black people over everyone that he wants to see fail. Well, I would venture that he doesn’t care much about us at all to even consider us… we often are not considered as a whole. But “his women”… oh he cares. He cares a lot. So much do that he will sabotage her success to have her remain by his side where he believes she belongs.

That truth plays out on the national stage in politics. First, the two women running both have a long history in politics and frankly are wealthy. Kloubachar has a hefty investment portfolio and has been in politics since she became a prosecutor in Minnesota in 1999. Similarly, Warren has made about 8 million from book deals and started her political career in 1998 when he work as a bankruptcy professor led to her heading many congressional committees and establishing the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau in 2011. Compared to a male in the race who has been polling and doing better in the caucuses and primaries than either woman, Pete Buttigieg. He has been a mayor since 2011. That’s the brunt of his experience. It’s very telling.

Let’s go back… Hillary Clinton 2016. She was accused of actually criminally, regarding something that many Secretaries of State had done before her. Yet she spent a whole campaign trying to overcome it and it likely is what cost her the Presidency. Meanwhile her opponent had filed for bankruptcy several times, been sued for breaking contractual agreements, and had charges pending regarding his sexual assault of women… even stating on camera that he sexually assaulted women. Yet we talked about her pantsuits and emails. But her pantsuits. But her emails!?!? AND he was elected.

Women in politics face much harsher standards than men. How they dress, their hair, their voices. How they handle frustration, anger, disrespect, and abuse. How they respond to blatant sexism. Ilhan Omar, Alexandria Ocasio- Cortez (AOC), Ayanna Presley, and Rashid Tlaib, all American minority women were told to go back where they come from by the incumbent. Michelle Obama’s clothes and their cost were picked apart like she loves me not flowers. Similarly, a now deleted tweet by Washington Examiner conservative columnists Eddie Scarry commented on AOC’s attire saying she “[doesn’t] look like a girl who struggles.”

I guess if we dress well that’s a problem, if we wear pantsuits that’s a problem, and if we don’t dress well enough or our skirts are too high, those are problems too. FOH with your inequitable scrutiny and standards.

In a recent Facebook discussion, I noted that five out of the six Democratic candidates have criminal justice violations in their past, except Elizabeth Warren. I affectionately call her EDub because she’s a gangsta. Anyway… I was met with an article by the questionable Washington Examiner that stated, “Elizabeth Warren’s new campaign racism scandal…” which was a bunch of sensationalized fluff over a few minority women who had quit her campaign in light of mismanagement and lack of diversity initiatives in her Nevada campaign group. Definitely an issue, but not a racism scandal. But this is the same media force that lives to berate her with articles titled :

“Elizabeth Warren is over”

“Elizabeth Warren wins that debate-for Bernie Sanders”

“Elizabeth Warren is ruining the case for a female president”

The same paper that boasted:

“Why won’t Hillary Clinton just go away.”

“Hillary Clinton: Why?”

and “Hillary Clinton should definitely keep talking” regarding the 2016 Democratic Presidential nominee. It’s not just conservatism, but sexism. The paper simply does not attack, disregard, and disrespect men in the same manner. Interestingly enough that same FB person who was backing Bloomberg… a Black male. A Black male backing Michael Bloomberg? Say it ain’t so…

Yep, Michael Bloomberg! This guy is like a painting of Trump during Picasso’s blue period… that mofo is still racist despite claiming to be a Democrat. Racism knows no loyalty. Yet he has been doing oddly well in the polls, despite being the partisan twin of the incumbent. For all of Trumps “my Blacks” and pussy grabs, he can see dudes racism and raise him sexism.

He’ll see you: “Ninety-five percent of your murders — murderers and murder victims — fit one M.O.. You can just take the description, Xerox it and pass it out to all the cops. They are male, minorities, 16 to 25. …The way you get the guns out of the kids’ hands is to throw them against the wall and frisk them.”Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Aspen Institute, 2015. And raise you… In 1989 when a male salesperson at Bloomberg L. P. was getting married, Bloomberg said to the female salespeople, “All of you girls line up to give him a blow job as a wedding present.” In another 1989 incident, he asked a female saleswoman he was unhappy with… “if the clients asked you to lay down and strip naked so they could fuck you, would you do that too?”

Despite being beaten like he stole something by EDub, called out as a racist and sexist by EVERY other candidate… he didn’t drop out after getting molly whopped on fight night. He won’t. He won’t have to. He’s a White man… he deserves all the things right? He’s the most qualified because he’s rich, right? He must be smart, right? His acts are egregious, sure… but clearly not egregious enough for there to be total outrage and rejection of him as a potential candidate. This is America. He’s the worst of what there is to offer. But he’s a man so his suits, hairstyle, or morals don’t matter. With all of their Blacks, women, and gays matter rhetoric, even many Democrats don’t stand behind their claims. But blue is not only for boys.

When we, especially women, claim that a woman can’t win… we strengthen the systems that make us believe that very thing. Women are astronauts, pilots, professors, coal miners, coders, mechanics, professional football coaches, CEOs, and Presidents in many many countries across the world. Golda Meir, Margaret Thatcher, Indira Ghani, Isabel Perón, Corazon Aquino, Benazir Bhutto, and Vigdís Vinnbogadottir were all female leaders of countries in the 1960s and 1970s. This is America… we can make and raise your babies but…

Still waiting.

Told me I was fit to wear a crown…and then you let me down. –Billie Holiday, You Let Me Down

The Transference of Trauma is being Televised

Oooooo y’all mad at Oprah and Gayle ain’t y’all.

A little perspective: Unhealed trauma infects everything that we do!

So here’s the thing… healing is a process. It has no beginning or end necessarily. Even after healing, most of us have to figure out how to process that healing. I’m not intending to minimize the importance of healing and the effects and experience of trauma in ANY way. I most certainly am not judging anyone’s healing process after suffering the horror of sexual abuse. I understand that after a series of recalling, avoiding, and reacting to the trauma one must make their way through:

1. Emotional Stabilization (finding safe spaces to express emotions to stabilize them to less reactionary behaviors);

2. Emotional Clarity (exploring the emotions attached to the trauma, full grieving any losses the trauma caused, and discovering and promoting how these emotions manifest positively) ; and

3. Self-Actualization (integrating the experiences and lessons learned from the trauma into ones life to create a new reality).

I also understand the value of healing. When we get stuck in the process of overcoming trauma, we tend to transfer our trauma response to some or all other area of our lives for protection. And for some of us… the transference of trauma will be televised.

Harpo

Oprah is an icon. She has used her platform to teach us and guide us spiritually. Oprah confessed in 1986 that she was sexually abused as a child. She filmed 217 shows about sexual abuse. She once had 200 men on her show who had been sexually abused, after she spoke with Tyler Perry about his own abuse. She interviewed Michael Jackson in 1993 right before the first allegations against him we’re made against him, and in 2019, she hosted the talk after the Neverland documentary titled After Neverland. She recently backed out of a Russell Simmons sexual assault documentary citing creative differences. Sexual abuse has permeated her journalism and continues to over 30 years later.

Her commentary in Leaving Neverland was telling. Oprah states this documentary, which won an Emmy and is currently in court proceedings, is bigger than and “transcends Michael Jackson.” She also says it’s producer Dan Reed successfully highlighted that “sexual abuse was not just abuse, but it was also sexual seduction.” She spoke in second person during much of the interview, which symbolizes both distancing and moving closer to the storyline. But it was clear whose side she was on. Similarly when she spoke about backing out of the Russell Simmons documentary she stated it was “ridiculous to think that I could be intimidated by Russell Simmons.” It all sounds deeply personally, so personal that it’s wrapped in bias. For her it was about the patterns of abuse, particularly seduction, that she likely recalls from her own childhood. Sexual abuse may use seduction, but it is all about power and control.

Her unhealed trauma is so prevalent, I’d venture to say it lends itself to both the reality of and backlash over Gayle King’s questioning of Lisa Leslie about Kobe Bryant’s rape allegations. Regardless of her connections or proximity to sexual assault, her questions were inappropriate (regardless of CBS and it’s editing) and…well worthy of backlash. Perhaps because of her closeness to Oprah, her behavior seems like an extension of Oprah’s noble, but unsuccessful, attempt to educate on sexual abuse. However, attaching a label onto men, particularly deceased Black men, who have not been found guilty of any wrongdoing, is steeped in historical racism. We have seen this play out again and again (Emmett Till, Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown, etc.), where even Black male victims are demonized in the media. When we see this merit less attack done by other Black people… folks get real “cash me ousside”. This scenario is no different. Our reactions, however, should be to seek understanding and never to promote more abuse towards victims or their supporters.

Be easy.

Beyond Harpo

Comparativly we can look at Tyler Perry, who outlined his horrific and sadly consistent physical and sexual abuse as a child to none other than Oprah. He also spoke on that show about his no nonsense aunt being his only real defense against the abuse, his mother too fragile emotionally to protect him. Abusive relationships are often a focal point of Perry’s movies and shows. Women who are portrayed as needing men to overcome are often the main characters in his films. His strongest female characters were him in disguise. His male characters are deeply flawed and often abusive. They both feed off of extremely negative stereotypes about Black people, but ones that speak directly to his experience as a child. Tyler wants and takes sole responsibility and autonomy to tell and visualize these stories in a way that resonates with him. But he needs a writing room, a casting director, and a good wig person… stat!

Lack of healing is characterized by a very nuanced and troubled view of one’s self and others, paired with this desire to control the narrative from frame to frame. Healing negates the need for control, because it replaces fear with an ability to internalize and actualize what we’ve learned about ourselves. Oprah picks the project, picks the subject, produces it, and takes sole creative control of the narrative. Tyler Perry writes the story, creates the characters, casts the actors, and produces the film. Only someone who hasn’t fully mourned the loss of control that came from the abuse needs to guard his/her ability to be in control so tightly.

Most Black men and many Black women feel personally attacked by Oprah’s focus on Black men’s alleged aggressions toward White victims, but nothing of the scours of White men brought down by #MeToo. Many cite Harvey Weinstein because of his very consistent and notorious harassment, but there are also Matt Lauer, Louis CK, Kevin Spacey, and hosts of others. Oprah’s interjection of herself in only Black male cases read like her own public confrontations or exposures of the people who violated her… but they are not. The repeated interviews and shows won’t hold her Black male abusers accountable or heal her. We need fair, responsible, and balanced views to count as real information and not sensationalism.

The stories and information producers and journalists tell should all be done with a level of responsibility and integrity that minimizes the possibility of being offensive or selfish . The truth can be taken in and presented to the world, by a healed and self-actualized person in a way other than just a simple presentation of the trauma over and over. The men Oprah has attached her journalism to have been found guilty of nothing; there is no solid proof of any wrongdoing. Believing victims does not absolve us of finding truth, instead of presenting allegations as facts. She isn’t being honest if she fails to see that these kinds of amateur fact finding attempts are televised stonings. Criminal trials have rules these exposès are not held to. We try these people in an unfair hearing.

Bottom line, her 30 years of sexual abuse related journalism hasn’t moved or morphed into empowerment yet. A self-actualized victim of domestic abuse, for example, doesn’t just tell her story, but creates safe spaces for other women and seeks experiences that empower her and others by ceasing to let the trauma do the controlling and instead promoting the positive outcomes of healing. No matter the medium, a television show or a simple conversation, your newfound understanding and wisdom will shine through with sincerity and purpose.

If you are an adult, healing is your responsibility! Period. Until then…

You will not be free.
You will not live your best life like Lil Duval.
You will not be happy like Pharrell.
The transference of trauma will be televised sistas and brothas.
And… the trauma will be live.

Original : Meanwhile, the rest of us will not go Snoop Dogg in our head wrap, calling people bitches, defending druggie rapists, and inviting folks to an ass beating we might be too lightweight to dish out. This fool had women on dog leashes and idolizes a broke down pimp. He’s not exactly a pillar of the community. Never go Snoop Dogg.

Update: Snoop manned up and apologized to Gayle King. I see your growth playa. I am big enough to acknowledge that we all deserve the opportunity to be better!

Just Show Your Love

I be your Knower, you be my Wiz
I’m your Mister, you my Mrs.
With hugs and kisses
Valentine cards and birthday wishes…Please
Be on another level of planning, of understanding
The bond between man and woman, and child
The highest elevation, cuz we above
All that romance crap, just show your love
You’re all I need” -Method Man

Once some guy, with great intentions, bought me one of those 7 Mile and the Southfield Freeway clear heart balloons with a bear inside, surrounded by stale chocolates and Reese’s cups. I remember looking at it like… oh, wow, thanks. As he was grinning ear to ear like he had just hit the gift giving jackpot. I recall the bear’s eye was sitting at the bottom of the balloon rolling from side to side. I was that sad little eye in that moment, just rolling about aimlessly trying to find my way out of captivity that I shared with regret, the promise of really bad gifts, and a lifetime of dusting teddy bears with runaway eyes. I vowed that would not be my life.

Most important, gifts are not my love language, so while I understand that may have been his thing, it wasn’t mine. I also realized, when I expressed my thoughts to my friends, that people are wayyyyyy more romantic than realistic in their standards and expectations about relationships. I personally don’t care about candy and shit on Valentine’s Day, or the day at all. We put this pressure on ourselves and others to show love in ways that don’t register as such to the receiver. Moreover, we give in to these ideas because it is what other people think is acceptable, sweet, romantic, and thoughtful… and we adopt that view. Those folks selling cellophane wrapped love are not there for the true gift giver, the guy or girl whose guy or girl is going to squeal with delight. They are for the guy who knows that shit is ugly but doesn’t yet know if you do or not.

You wanna do something that’s gonna make her smile? You want to show your love… Be her knower.

Since I’m repping Black History Month all 29 days of February 2020 and Black History every 365 days I’m granted, Black Love is the highest form of Understanding that Black people can attain and aspire to. Knowledge according to Supreme Mathematics is to know, listen, and observe. The purpose of Supreme Mathematics is to give us a framework for discovering who we are in the universe. Before we can know and learn anything else we must first know and see the divinity in ourselves.

Only one who knows who he is can fully learn (knowledge), accept (wisdom), and love (understanding) who I am. Once he can explain to me who he is, what pleases him, his desires, his wants, his needs, his passion, and his purpose… he can absorb mine. Receiving gifts may be how he feels love, but other than a birthday gift, flowers from time to time, and maybe that pair of Js I’ve been eyeing, they just don’t equate to love for me. So he will be able to communicate that to me, and then both hear and listen that it’s not for me. He won’t attempt to make his love language mine so it’s easier for him to remember and process, but will want to have full understanding of who I am, what pleases me, my desires, wants, needs, passion , and purpose.

This shit is so simple. It will save you money buying two dozen red roses when she likes sunflowers only in June, that pair of $800 Louboutins when she only wears flats, or tickets for him to see Nas when he wanted to see Kenny Chesney. We shouldn’t be attempting to love our partners in the ways we want, but in the ways they best receive our love. Sure, we can sprinkle in some surprises and buy a gift when he really prefers Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch, but we first must make sure we are giving what is needed, not just what we want to give. That’s wack.

Stick with your girl, I got that M-E-T-H-O-D, man!

I’ll be your wisdom. I will help you make good decisions and process that knowledge, to a level of elevation where a whole lot of real has splashes of well placed romance… keep the card, give me the hugs and kisses! Be my knower and everyday will be like Valentine’s Day.

But hey if your woman likes cellophane wrapped love, do your thing.

This for That

Six million, six hundred seventy four thousand, eight hundred eleven people voted for third party candidates in the 2016 election.

Y’all suck.

I blame you for this.

I can’t even say his name. We’ll call him The Elected.

The Elected uses foreign policy as a personal tool. He uses his office and Presidential Power to manipulate and manuever favors with these governments for he and his cronies. According to the Mueller investigation, Russia helped win the initial election via social media and social engineering because it was strongly against a Clinton Presidency and that interference was allowed in exchange for The Elected’s real estate deals. Deals that he took Phil Ruffin, his Vegas business partner, along to help negotiate… oh and there were mad hoes present too. Money and hoes for elections and casinos. This for that.

Likewise The Elected had issues with China and trade sanctions. He agreed to relax those sanctions right around the time his Vegas buddy Sheldon Adelson notifies him those sanctions could start a major trade war with China. Meanwhile Adelson was seeing huge gains from his now very most lucrative casino resort on Chinese territory in Macao. Both Ruffin and Adelson are million dollar benefactors to The Elected’s campaign. We making Macao Money for Sweatshop Sneakers. Pay for play. This for that.

Now he is being proven guilty of manipulating Ukraine into investigating the Biden’s after Biden proved to be his biggest election competitor. History tells us, the Presidency has given him access to financial success via his international business dealings. Why would a self proclaimed billionaire who has failed at every financial endeavor he’s entered into, want to give up that position? Sinning for the winnings. This for that.

The Elected is treating America like his New Jersey General’s team in the USFL… he’s willing to tank the whole thing to make himself and his buddies more money. He once met privately with former NFL commissioner Pete Rozelle offering to ruin the USFL in exchange for an NFL franchise. Sound familiar?

This is America…

These talking heads who surround him are sad displays of legal and political leaders. Harvard legal professor Alan Dershowitz :”…if a president did something that he believes will help him get elected — in the public interest — that cannot be the kind of quid pro quo that results in impeachment.” Republican Senator Lamar Anderson (JD, 1965): The House Managers have proven that the President asked Ukraine to investigate Biden and also made military help contingent upon that investigation… it’s inappropriate but not impeachable. So I don’t need more evidence.

These are people who educate America’s legal scholars and make the laws… but most Senators are lawyers by education.These Senators have decided to hold a trial without witnesses, even though they know that the purpose of a trial is to present evidence and witnesses to prove or disprove the charges against the accused. If Bolton is not credible (His lack of integrity [like Bannon,Flynn, Wakdh, Prisbus, Spicer, Sanders, Chen, Pompeo, Mulvaney, Kelly, Tillerson, Sessions, Perry] was the reason he was hired) that’s the job of The Elected’s lawyers to prove. However in terms of an impeachable act, this isn’t difficult! But The Elected is known for turning on those who display and require political integrity. These dudes cannot believe the trash they are spewing, but it’s the political billionaire version of Arnold giving the Gooch his lunch so he wouldn’t get beat up. This for that.

“Quid pro quo, something for something, that’s the obvious!” -Kendrick Lamar, Institutionalized

Here’s the bottom line in basic terms: The Elected’s admitted he requested an investigation into the Bidens during a July 25th phone call to the President of the Ukraine. He then withheld approved aid to the Ukraine. THIS FOR THAT! The request was the “quid pro quo” or “the favor/advantage granted or expected in return for something. It is illegal under Article 1, Section 9 of the US Constitution for anyone who holds office to receive any emolument from a foreign government. An emolument is any gift or thing of value. An investigation into an electors opponent for office, to gain public office is a thing of value. Therefore the quid pro quo by The Elected was a violation of the Constitution, an impeachable offense. The fact that Senate Republicans basically decided against witnesses and against impeachment before the trial began is a sign of the fascist times.

This is anti-jurisprudence.

This is America.

We got 6,674,811 problems and that dude is number one!