If They Say Why

Men aren’t from Mars.

Women aren’t from Venus.

But we sure are very different.

Some people attribute it to nature, others nurture, and some to having innies and outties… but how about this take:

Research has shown men and women are BIOLOGICALLY different cognitively and emotionally. For example… men have greater skill in spatial and visual relationships between objects and women have better verbal and memory skills. Women have better fine motor coordination and can compare and contrast better than men. Men, on the other hand are better at angles, movement, and gross motor skills. Since women’s brain hemispheres communicate faster and more often than men, women tend to recall and experience even basic things through a more emotional lens, where men are better able to compartmentalize. It’s no surprise then that women suffer more from depression and anxiety, based on more relational experiences…. and men more likely to be schizophrenic, addicts, or on the autism spectrum.(1)

So in keeping with that theory, men are taught to be strong and hard-working and to provide and protect. It’s simply an extension of being more aware of space and place. Since I like a very masculine man, I’ve always been surrounded by men with their head on constant swivel! They run faster. They react faster physically. They are aware of space and place, more focused on what IS than the feel of it… this is natural. Men aren’t unemotional or cold necessarily, they are just more rational. Emotion has its place. Men are better at pool, angles are exact, it’s not about feeling. Men are simply better at independent tasks, and tend to think in more independent terms.

Whereas women are taught to take care of people, including themselves, hone relationships, and communicate. Little girls never stop talking or asking questions by nature. Women seek out at least a few key relationships in every experience they find themselves in, as a way to relate. Women are also naturally interested in taking care of people and their feelings…but based off of all the senses. Cooking, sewing, crafting, and heck, taking the perfect selfie lol, are all examples of how those fine motor skills are used in service of communicating our care and establishing memories. We are naturally inquisitive and use our words. In gender biased environments those things are looked down upon, but in places where gender equality is practiced, our unique differences from men are celebrated. Having an opinion is never a bad thing! Being emotionally intelligent is a wonderful thing. These traits are not unique to women, but they come easier to women naturally!

If you know me, you know I’m a proud woman, a proud Black Woman to be exact. I have been raised by equally proud Black Women. I love men. I am a proponent of men who walk different, talk different, move different, and look different … we are supposed to compliment one another, not mimic each other. No offense to LeBron and his Thom Browne bag, but I want to carry the better handbag. We can’t swap Capri pants like Gabby and Dwayne. Grooming is fine, but primping is out… and it ain’t easy. Our different movement is what makes us fit. He watches our moves, like chess. I watch our fit, like a puzzle. His outtie, when connected to his brain, points him in the proper direction, towards me… and my innie invites him home. Deep… lol.

But seriously, in the grand scheme of things, our differences, these physical and biological differences, when experienced in equity, are God’s plan. I CAN do anything he can do, and vice versa… but that is not the logical and efficient order of things.

So sir, when you are questioning why you don’t understand women and ma’am, you are thinking it’s time to hang it up and just be a spinster with cats… remember that our differences are innate and we must explore and get to know each other with that in mind…

Or as the late and great Michael Jackson would say…”tell em that it’s human nature!”

(1) Stanford Medicine. https://stanmed.stanford.edu/2017spring/how-mens-and-womens-brains-are-different.html

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