“Seasons change… people change” -Exposé
I like the four seasons… the pretty sandals and sundresses in summer, cropped pants and food trucks in the spring, sweaters and knee high socks in autumn, and hot cocoa and coats in the winter. Yep fashion and food. And while I like the consistently inconsistent seasons in Michigan, at 40, I have zero time for inconsistent people. They are to relationships what passive aggressives are to communication… death dealers! They make my teeth chatter and my eyes water with their cold aloofness. I like winter the least of the seasons. But winter is coming…
Consistency is a requirement for a healthy adult relationship. It is not only a sign of respect and protection, it literally determines how secure and confident one party is in a relationship and how considerate the acting party is to your time and your prioritization in their lives. The ability of a partner, whatever the nature of the partnership, to give credence and care to how valuable it is to (1) have an equal and reciprocal action for everything they claim they will do and (2) value your choice to engage in partnership with them is paramount. Sadly… because actions speak loudest, there are a lot of grown people who simply do not bound their actions by their word. They manipulate with words, and forget that after so many instances, the jig is liable to be up.
Well beloved, the jig IS up!
I lead with my expectations regarding behavior. It’s nothing complicated or a list with ten folds, but it simply puts anyone on notice, I don’t have the time! I expect grown people to do what they say they will do, when they say they will do it… and I expect that consistently. I make that clear, but people tell you what they think you want to hear. From here on out, actions only, keep your mouth shut. You don’t talk consistency, you demonstrate it.
You see, a failure to respect other people’s time and match their energy comes from a failure of others to hold your ass accountable. The only way to hold others accountable is to call them on their shit, set boundaries, and honor those boundaries even if they fail to. It is an ultimate sign of disrespect for a person to sway in the wind like a vinyl air sock when you are always clear skies and sunshine. Disrespect must be met head on with direct communication about the disconnect. It’s easy to correct inconsistency… if you make a plan, you stick to it; if you make a promise you keep it; don’t claim you about it just BE about it. If that’s hard for you, you haven’t grown up.
Grown up \grōn-uhh/ n.: mentally and emotionally mature, behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult
Inconsistency is not mentally or emotionally mature behavior, and it is completely irresponsible. If you are engaged in a relationship, that you chose, the only way to develop stability and rhythm is to ensure your partner can depend on you. All that charm, saying all the right stuff, and showing up JUST at the right time is a mask for the claims of being so busy, disappearances, and failing to be there when their partner is in need. It’s a charade… and who has time for games of the heart and excuses for bad behavior? We make time for the things we care about… and anyone who is consistently inconsistent only ultimately cares about themselves. Besides… excuses are the tools of losers. Ain’t nobody too busy to be consistent! They are just, frankly, full of shit!