I understand that confrontation is not easy, and I know that while the rest of us are stuntin’ on our haters and living life out loud and with reckless abandon, the tender amongst us are like…
… when someone attempts to shade, bully, embarrass, or shit on them.
“But I’m a good person out here in these streets!”
Yes you are, and you deserve good things and people who treat you well. But sometimes, SOME of the TIME… you gotta give folks a healthy dose of I got your bitch and your hoe! Believe it or not, it promotes unity.
When you use the things you observe, hear, feel, smell, and learn, or bring into yourself, to define you on your terms, you start to see so much clearer. It is because the processing of that information and your actions based on that analysis bring you closer to understanding who you really are… despite the things that other people have told you, forced upon you, or try to manipulate into your spirit. You know, without a doubt that you were born, with “3 dollars and six dimes”, 360 degrees of complete and whole human. Inside of that circle you have all the gifts you need to gather together all your hopes, dreams, thoughts, and words and bring them into fruition. Some other person’s opinions of you don’t matter.
You can choose to either ignore them fully or confront them peacefully. I fall really smack dab in the middle. Sometimes it’s best I don’t go in,because once inside I’ll go full on batshit.
Other times it is very necessary to stop whatever hurt they might be causing me. Here’s the kicker… that’s for ME not them. I’m responsible for my own healing, and that means peacefully addressing those people who threaten my healing. It’s not confrontation unless you make it adversarial… it’s teaching if you make it a lesson.
There is an art to deading shit… not making it worse, not causing more conflict, but making it go away. And yes, cuz like I’ve told y’all before, I’m an artist, so I am gonna share with you all the paint brush strokes to happy little trees in the jungle of life’s weeds.
Dead That Shit 101
Maybe Melinda makes messy comments to you all of the time. She’s either completely unaware of the power of words or trying to bombard you with her negativity. How do you dead that shit?
Perhaps Philip thinks he’s helping by pointing out your flaws… all your flaws… all the time. But he’s not, it’s just hurtful and unnecessary. How do you dead that shit?
Truthfully Tanya is jealous of you, and talks about you badly to others all the time. She spreads untrue rumors about you and has a general dislike for you based on nothing in particular (but her own issues). How do you dead that shit?
Sadly Sally only likes you when you are doing what she approves of. The minute you stray from her preferred image of you, she’s got so much to say to you about how you wronged her by being yourself. Sally is a clown, but you are being hurt by Sally’s words. So how do you dead that shit?
Or Orlando might just say things in jest… meaning nothing hurtful, but that’s not how you hear it or process it. While he’s just joking or messing with you, you don’t find that mess humorous in the least. How do you dead that?
You could go all knuck if you buck on em, but that doesn’t solve your hurt or stop the behavior. Anyone coming at you sideways needs to be set straight.
“I don’t owe you my soul or my spirit. Who I am is enough and if it’s not enough for you, then it may be time to move on from what used to be a friendship but now is a sinking ship. If you are determined to manipulate my feelings, I’m exiting at the next destination to get far away from you.
If you want my friendship, hurting me isn’t an option. If you want peace, hurting me isn’t an option. But either way, I’ll secure my peace.”
You can write that down and read it verbatim, that’s a freebie, or get into the spirit of remembering, with clear and complete understanding, who TF you are in all of your splendor, and speak from your heart. They’ll show and prove, or go overboard. But either way, rigor mortis has officially set in on that topic.
And notice, you don’t have to address, ask for explanation, or discuss what was said, why, when, or any of that Love and Hip Hop bullshit. It’s pointless. The behavior must end or the relationship, no matter how closer or distant, ends. Simplicity is best. I mean what is more simple… you either let it live or kill it.
How do you dead that shit:
Remember who you are AT ALL TIMES… and don’t let fear of rejection stop you from confronting the things you fear head on and dead on. You won’t be friends with everyone. Everyone won’t like you. Sometimes you WILL take things the wrong way. But only a psychotic mofo with a death wish won’t understand where you are coming from and respect your gangsta. A tender kinda gangsta, but a gangsta no doubt!