I write for people.

I write for Black people.

I write for Black women.

This is specifically for Black women. But everyone might learn something, so here we go…

Fuck him!

Stop picking these men who don’t have shit and ain’t never had shit…but you. Stop it. Whether he slides into your DMs or shoots his shot in the flesh … do some homework on that nigga first… and if he doesn’t add up… NOPE!

This isn’t about possessions or having a lot of money, but I’m talking about men who have never had a goal and accomplished it, never seen outside the four corners of the city they have lived in since birth, never had a dream, a plan, a disappointment, a car that didn’t belong to their mother, a bus pass, job they actually enjoyed, a bottlecap collection… nothing.

Here’s the thing, a man who has never had shit but you, won’t value you. Period. He has never learned the importance of taking care of the things you are blessed with that add to your life, help you grow, make you better. He has never been in a position to learn that we love people and use things, not the other way around. He’s going to covet you as an object to control and not going to see you as a human with emotions, feelings, standards, and the ability to slice his throat. He won’t properly take your needs, standards, wants, and concerns into account because he won’t see them as his responsibility as your mate. He’ll feel like his presence as your suitor is enough. NOPE!

After all things just want to be had right!? They just sit on the shelf pondering when someone will come along and buy them and take them home. Well #1, you are not a thing! #2, He’s never had a thing. So he cannot differentiate you from one. Sure he may know intrinsically that you are human and you feel joy and feel pain. Yet when he’s never even really felt the joy of an accomplishment or the pain of disappointment, he doesn’t realize sunshine and rain are real and tangible and the warmth of the sun and the growth provided by the rain result in real human emotions, experiences, and reactions.

All he has is you… and in truth he does not. We are not belongings. We share our lives with people we care about because we enjoy them and love them. But the decision to share ourselves, to love, to hope, to dream, and to feel makes us unable to be possessed fully. Only someone who has given up on themselves can be had. Someone who sees the beautiful possibilities of life is free, and unable to be owned. Been there, done that, still have the scars. NOPE

In addition, he won’t know how to act as you acquire things, like possessions, financial stability, success. Flash will want your spot…

but he can’t get it cuz he ain’t got it. And he never has. He doesn’t even know what IT is!

We owe it to ourselves to pick better, and not just allow ourselves to be plucked like flowers but to take part in the decision to share ourselves. We have to treat ourselves like whole humans and be clear about who we are… And if he ain’t never had shit. He won’t know how to tell trash from pure treasure!

And as for you…

You are not his mother. You aren’t his maid, his chef, his whore. You don’t owe him ass because he paid. You are not his Grandmother who stayed with his hoeing ass Granddaddy with the two outside kids. You are not his crutch. You are not his last resort. You are not a thing to possess and throw away when he’s tired of you.

just say NOPE!

“World in his palms, Akeem still needed Lisa/Hope he treat her better than Tommy treated Keisha/You gotta love your Queen cuz God knows that you need her.” -Rapsody Hatshepsut