And Just Like That…

I loved Sex and the City… mainly Carrie and Samantha and Carrie’s clothes. so I wanted to watch the new series because well… nostalgia. And the clothes. If Sarah Jessica Parker can do anything, which she can, she can put on some clothes. But anyway, I have been SHOCKED at how much Charlotte and Mirandas storylines catch my attention now. Charlotte, basically because of her kids and her friendship with Nicole Ari Parker’s character, and Miranda… wellllllll… she has just jumped on the LGBTQ train and took a whole round the world trip. Her son screws his girlfriend in the house. And Steve, he’s just the same ole Steve, dedicated to Miranda and trying to be what she needs. Thing is… she’s never known what she wanted.

Miranda is the poster child for settling.

So in the last few episodes (SPOILER… and I don’t care if you care cuz it has already aired), dhe has been having a relationship with Che, Carrie’s lesbian co-podcaster. Che is brash, open, brutally honest, and there is something she likes about Miranda. And Miranda is so smitten with her, she is willing to ruin and then in the latest episode, end, her marriage to Steve.

And that shit was heartbreaking.

“It’s always like this,” he said. “You don’t think that I’m enough, then I’m kind of enough and then I’m not enough again. I’m always there, you know, hanging in for us.”

Steve basically told her he wanted her to be happy, but that he had spent their relationship trying to be good enough for her and thought they had finally reached this place of understanding… where they were content coming home to each other, watching tv, and eating ice cream. While she was telling him it wasn’t enough, and that at 55 she decided she no longer was willing to settle for mediocre. He was heartbroken. You could see it in his face and hear it in his voice. She’s grinning like a 20 year old, and he’s like… hey we are old. Yikes.

But it was like watching the end result of two people settling. One or both either realize there is a fuller life available AND/OR one or both finally get settled into the situation they settled for. Steve should have always had a different partner, someone who was ok with his quirks, his easy going character, his want to settle down and have a family and share ice cream. Frankly, I don’t know who or what would have made her happy. She thinks it’s Che, but she hasn’t had any real honest communication with anyone. She is just being selfish, and even if she wants more, there is certainly a better way to handle that than sitting your husband down and asking for a divorce simply so you can explore a relationship with someone who is clearly not interested in the same thing a 55 year old woman with a teenage son and a limpy walk is looking for. But hey… do your thing.

Most importantly, the act of settling played in my head. I have done it. Never again though. It’s not worth it to have a mate that doesn’t fulfill you, and who isn’t interested in learning how to. That’s super whack AF! I think we should all hold true to our boundaries and standards… period. However, I also believe that when we have made a choice, we should take responsibility for our choices. Period. You spend 2, 10, 15, 25 years in a relationship where you are secretly wanting more, then take responsibility for your lack of honesty year one. If you are going to end that relationship, you owe it to the person you have led on, to be kind, give them time to process, and be compassionate. You don’t right bad behavior with compounded bad behavior.

Settling was your choice.

I mean do you think Carrie settled for these shoes….

And here’s the other glaring truth… the person you settled for is someone else’s gem! Just because you forced their fit, does mean they don’t fit perfectly in someone else’s forever. Maybe they didn’t feel like they were settling with you… they thought they were working hard on a relationship with someone they loved, but if you knew you were… you chose that life and to keep that fact from them. Don’t then be a dick about it when you finally decide to live your truth. But the best choice tho… No one needs you to settle for them. It’s a selfish act. Be an adult and own your truth… just like that!

3 comments

  1. GodisFirst · January 21

    A 55 year old woman isn’t settling for anything. An elderly woman that is halfway to 60 years old is lucky if she even has a man interested in her. The problem with television is people think that these gynocentric, Hollywood-created TV shows (meant to push feminism with impressionable females) is reality. The reality of your everyday 55 year old woman is not Sex in the City.

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  2. astarr · January 21

    Where is the love? For herself, her husband, her famly/friends, her fling? I didn’t see it. Just going through the motions. We should all pay more attention to when the love is no longer there, being created, growing, and fading… That’s when it’s time to speak your truth and go.

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  3. April Patterson · January 21

    As a 52 year old woman, I have decided to go with the nice guy who can’t really offer me anything but respect, kind words, adoration, laughter and goofy moments, prayer and chivalry; all priceless.

    To some, in the outside, it will appear as though I have settled but I disagree. I see it as a come up. How many women do you see skipping through life without a care in the world because they feel safe in the relationship? #perspective

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