Patriarchy is a hard word.

So I just watched the Janet Jackson documentary. She is a national treasure, be clear! We all knew she had a few marriages and relationships over her lifetime… not atypical for any woman, but especially a beautiful, famous, talented, sweet soul like she is. So no secrets there. But then, Jermaine Dupree comes on the screen… and announced his relationship with THEE Janet Jackson ended because he cheated on her. Now be clear, beautiful women get cheated on all the time. Beyoncé, Halle Berry… I could list names until my fingers fell off. Point made though. But Jermaine Dupree cheated on Janet Jackson…

I’m now convinced it’s some chromosomal defect.

You hear it all the time. What’s wrong with so and so…she’s pretty, successful, nice…why she can’t keep a man, why is she not married, why is she single, blah blah blah. Folks wrote books about what rules women should follow, what women should stop doing to find a mate, what top ten things women need to do to get a man, how to think like a man but act like a woman to get a man. I mean the dude that wrote the latter book allegedly cheated in his wife of 16 years with his current wife. The dude who starred in the movie cheated on his current wife when she was pregnant. And not that women don’t cheat, do wrong, ruin relationships… we certainly do, but the point here is different. This is particularly about how women are made to be responsible for being single and divorced or in a series of failed relationships, when it is COMMON KNOWLEDGE that many men have a problem keeping their penis in their pants, and that is often the cause of her singleness and failed relationships.

Jermaine Dupree claimed the fact that other women wanted to date him because he was dating Janet Jackson is the reason he cheated in her… WHAT!?!? They just wanted to see if they could compete with Janet sir, they didn’t give a damn about you my guy. The story was not I smashed JD. The story was, I smashed JD while he was with Janet. I mean…

So I need everyone to stop playing. We need to stop acting like women are to blame for the bad behaviors of unready and unsteady men. These dudes don’t walk up to you and say… hey girl I’m gonna hurt you, but give me a chance. They promise you the same things men who honor their word do, except… they don’t. They don’t wear a Scarlet A cuz guys don’t wear those. It’s okay for a man to be a whole heaux then decide he’s ready for more, but a woman who has sowed an oat or two has not readied herself for marriage because she has turned a few trick pages. Men can collect notches in their bedposts, but women are supposed to be pure and untouched… but who they getting the notches with tho!?! Men can be grimy but women have to be pristine? I call bullshit, and patriarchy. And we can argue patriarchy is an unfortunate reality, but a reality nonetheless. Yet, so is racism and if that is worth fighting against whenever it rears its ugly head, the idea that men are somehow more valuable than women because they are men, should elicit the same upset. I am no less valuable than a man or a White person. Period.

Men should be held to the same high standard women are held to. Men should be called to task and demanded to be better, more honorable, faithful, honest, loyal, etc. just as women are. A mans choice and decision to be dishonest to his woman and to lie to her about his outside sexual activity is manipulation and coercion to get her continued consent. Women don’t ask for that. In general women may know something is off or wrong, but we aren’t mind readers and don’t see visions in crystal balls, so we typically have operated in a space of unknowing until we know. But it isn’t our responsibility to stop or start doing something to get a certain behavior from a man… doesn’t work that way. Men should be the ONLY person held responsible for his behavior. Its too many women with the same story over and over for this to be just a woman issue. Cuz the common denominator in all this shit is the bad behavior of men. Just be single until you can be good. Who is telling dudes that with the same frequency you telling women what to do or not do?!?

Anyway… we tired. I’m tired. Tired of dudes who are determined to wrong us no matter how right we are. Tired of men and especially women giving women advice on men all the time, but never telling bad behaving men to stop that shit. We are tired of having to keep telling ya’ll this shit. Tired of having to explain that this shit is patriarchy. Tired of raggedy men being let off the hook because they are men. Our lips hurt.

But Thank You, Jermaine “These are My Confessions” Dupree. My guy made shit real clear this fine evening. Salute!