She by She

Black Women are the kryptonite of the establishment.

We aren’t the socially superior. They only want the colorful, creative, Nicki Minaj voice over tik toks, cornrows, and asses minus oppression. Their oppression. We aren’t the femininely fair. Not willowy milky white or sweet, untouchable, and shiny. Our sun swathed skin and strong bodies the manifestation of our ancestors. Our bodies the result of having to fight instead of being loved, to toil instead of being bathed in coconut milk and manuka honey, and to assert in order to win, as it’s not our birthright in America. That was stolen from us. Both our bodies and our wins deemed unfair and unearned.

They will place rules on your
body, say it’s a distraction from
their game,
as if they know better than you
how your bones should wear your own body

Jessica Mans, Serena

Descendants of Maat, Lady Justice. But they don’t know justice. She is disguised by a blindfold and drapes of fabric hiding the body as if it’s femininity cannot coexist with its power and it’s genderless to negate the male gaze. Adorned in purity and holding balance in her hands, she is a source of false imagery not represented in reality. Yet, we live in this feigned utopia, where Black billionaires are bred… but even billionaires are Black. Still nigga. Justice, the epitome of who we are, doesn’t live here.

Your daughter’s face is a small riot, her hands are & civil war, a refugee camp behind each ear,
a body littered with ugly things but God, doesn’t she wear
the world well.

Waran Shire, Ugly

Gods and Goddesses. Queen and Kings. Mermaids and Mermen. The ancestors are of the spirit, swathed in royalty, and some even live under the sea. We are fluid. From our native land to the belly of the boat. Middle Passage. From our living room to our roof. Katrina. From the foamy river to our drinking glasses. The Flint River. The ghost of Queen Makeda walks through the 8th Ward. Oshun withholds and calls back the waters in plagued bodies. Yemaya, mermaid goddess, protects & swims the seven seas. The granddaughter of Poseidon welcomes any who prefer the ocean floor to the plantation.

When they tell the Black girl
She can’t play play mermaid ask them, what their people know
about holding their breath
underwater. About giving their bodies
to the current

Jasmine Mans, The Little Mermaid

We are unicorns. Our horns antennas to the heavens so we can dial into James, Maya, Frederick, and Sojourner. Our bodies stallionesque. Thick like Luke dancers. Legs strong enough to walk the Serengeti. Angel wings and rainbows, myths and legends. But like our music, our art, our minds, even our mythology is covered in the darkness of hatred. Superior yet inferior. Greater but lesser. Not fly despite their wingspan. Not colorful despite Mr. Crayola. Not a unicorn, just Mr. Ed. But we are not defined by their definitions. We determine who we are… our ancestors passed our identity down to us: braids, curls, bodies, color, soul, spirits, and magic.

The black unicorn is restless
the black unicorn is unrelenting
the black unicorn is not

Audre Lorde, The Black Unicorn

We hold the key to our freedom!

Real Bad (Updated)

Many women have wasted their youth on Diddy, while he ran the streets with his thugs. His hit list is long: Kim Porter, Cassie, Gina Huynh, Jennifer Lopez, Misa Hylton, Lori Harvey, Miracle Watts, and now Caresha, “Yung Miami” of the group The City Girls. He has children with the late Kim Porter, who he didn’t seem to appreciate until after her passing. They had three kids, Christian and twins , D’Lila and Jessie who are the same age as his daughter Chance, by another woman. He later dated Jennifer Lopez for several years; Cassie Ventura, a singer, for over a decade; and Gina Huynh since 2018. He’s simultaneously been dating Caresha since late 2021. Most of these women have been much younger than him, waiting to be chosen. But he remains unmarried. He is perpetually single. Real single.

Listen, everybody ain’t mean to marry. And based on his track record and the fact that he’s 52 years old dating a 28 year old, he likely is one of those men. And really this isn’t about him… it’s about young women not wasting their youth on men who have ZERO desire to marry them and they know the women desire marriage. I mean this woman declared publicly that they were a couple… to his surprise… she clearly is tryna get chose. Sadly he likely won’t keep it a buck and tell her that’s not his desire. If he knows -and you must make sure to tell him, that your purpose in dating is marriage and family- and he isn’t headed there or talking to you about it, it’s time to run. Real fast.

Men interested in commitment will pretty quickly during the dating phase ask you questions and set up experiences you can enjoy together that gear towards that end… to see if you align. They will want at some point to be exclusive, and make plans with you, talk to you like you’ll be a future fixture… if of course you are a woman who has readied herself to be a wife. And while commitment and marriage is nothing to be rushed, men that are interested in that will lead you with intention closer and closer to that until together you decide to take it no further or to meet him at the alter in your white dress. Real shit.

Now how that will look… won’t be textbook. All relationships are different. But be sure it’s a relationship and not a situationship, usership, sexership, or bullshitship. He will show you he is serious because his words and behavior will match. He’ll be consistent and excited to see you, and he’ll make time for you. He’ll also respect that you are choosing to spend your pre-midlife stress-free energy, flat stomach season, and yet to be ruined credit score on him. I mean let’s be honest, you will be fine as frog hair with Meg knees, and he that is worthy will not take of those years then leave you off his life insurance after a 20 year relationship. He’ll appreciate the value of your youth. Men with their shit together, if you are a likeminded woman and share a personality he can appreciate, are gonna scoop you like real Superman ice cream during a Detroit summer. Real hero-like.

Caresha, you are a young tenda and he’s a beyond middle age guy still trying to diddy bop his way into young ladies panties. Make him work to even look at you. The least he can do is treat you like the prize that you are. Ladies, demand what you deserve. He should always make you feel appreciated, desirable, and chosen… especially if he’s an old man you are blessing with the beauty and value of youth. And if he doesn’t, you make sure you do. After ten years of dating Diddy, Cassie was married with a child on the way in less than one year. Don’t waste your time on anyone who isn’t choosing you! You need a new boo. Real bad.


But if he is really gifting you $250,000 a month, carry ….. skkkkkrrrrtttttt!

Yooooooo…. What is ya’lls man doing out here girl?!? Yes, ya’lls cuz Diddy is bopping all up in the streets, if the streets are vaginas.

This guy is making babies and huddling up on street corners with his macaroni and cheese and collard greens Caresha… but you out here going off like you the fried chicken of this shit. I thought the main wife had to agree to having sister wives, I mean that’s how it was on Big Love. But whatever this is dude is giving you is not big love, it’s very selfish love for a man of his age to be stealing your best years from you knowing you are blinded, in part, by name, money, fame, position. Caresha Please, we know you care.

We want you to win sis… seriously, and your internet aunties are concerned. Life is short, waste it on no man or woman. Nothing wrong with dating and nothing wrong with polyamory if that is what you choose, but we see you arguing your worth while this negro is having a midlife hoe crisis. We want better for you. You gotta want better for yourself!

He-Man Woman Haters Club

I was rewatching A Handmaid’s Tale and after Serena is beat, with a leather belt, by her husband, Commander Waterford, their handmaid Offred says… “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” It’s actually a quote by the author of the book the series is based on, Margaret Atwood. I heard it and I had to go back to listen again, it struck me.

Men are socialized to be void of emotion and aggressive, it’s an age old fact. It is the topic of many a book, article, dissertation, and op ed. Likewise, women are socialized not to make men angry. From a young age girls are oogled, touched, commented upon by men in inappropriate ways and with undertones of violence. As young women we are taught to fear strange men, never be alone in certain places, at certain times, and certainly with men we don’t know very well. We are socialized to expect strange men to be verbally aggressive, and sexually interested in us. It seems like men aren’t taught to be the antithesis of this, but we are made responsible for our own victimization. Even as young girls. When your aunt asks you “Why were you smiling and being friendly with Mr. James?” after he touches you in your private body parts, we live much the rest of our lives trying to avoid grown men’s inability to control themselves.

And as times have changed and women have become more independent, fought for equity, exposed the victimization they have suffered at the hands of men, and taken control of their voice… that fear hasn’t disappeared but doesn’t necessarily stop us from expressing ourselves, our wants, needs, disappointments, expectations, feelings, and boundaries. But again the fear doesn’t dissipate. I’d like to think of it as living deeper down in our consciousness, as opposed to at the front of our minds.

It’s not as “simple” as a fear of being killed. It really manifests in more ways than just physical. In light of the aggressive tendencies boy children are inundated with, that results in some men being uninterested and unable to treat women well across the board. When you add to that boys lacking fathers, father figures, and positive male representations and being raised by bitter, angry, mistreated, misinformed, women who might cope with those feels with alcohol, drugs, sex in front of their boys… feelings of being valueless and devaluing women just heighten bad behavior. Women those men encounter often have to endure betrayal, control, emotional void, being hit, beat, raped, and maybe even killed. We see examples of it constantly. We all know a woman who has endured abuse. Most of us know a woman who has been raped.

Just yesterday, comedian Aries Spears, a sorry excuse for a man, who described himself as handsome (insert laugh track), went on a tirade about Lizzo, unprovoked. He went in about her health and body when he is diabetic and has bags under his eyes big enough to pack your luggage for a two week European tour and the antithesis of in shape. It was a very sad display of woman hatred. Kevin Samuels level fuckery. And this fool keeps talking. Who hurt you my guy?!?

And he’s just one of many displaying these types of aggressive and hate filled behaviors toward a woman. In 2019, 406K women were raped or sexually assaulted. In 2020, 7,320 women were killed by intimate partners or male family members, and over 50% of those women were 12-34 and 75% of those women are Native American. 4.8 million physical assaults happen to women by intimate partners per year. Those numbers should upset you. They are staggering.

The number of women who suffer coercive control; psychological and/or emotional abuse; physical abuse; sexual abuse; financial abuse; harassment; stalking; and/or online abuse is often not reported but is typically the predicate of sexual and physical abuse. Aries is an abuser… and he hates women. Frankly, he should be scared women will laugh at him and not because if his bad jokes… but because he’s a certified clown. Aren’t you supposed to laugh at clowns… or are they to be feared?

Note: There are never two sides of the story when you prey on women. Just one fucked up side.

Social Madness

Picture it, Detroit, MI, 2010, I entered the world of social media as we know it today. Yeah I had a MySpace but I rarely used it and really saw no value in it. But Facebook…

Facebook was like this new frontier. I could see pictures and read posts about people’s lives, kids, trips, weddings, birthday parties, bad wigs, weight loss and gain, drunken moments and bad decisions… people I hadn’t seen since elementary and high school. It was fascinating, and daily new people popped up. Some whose hairlines were so, uhhh, absent, it took me a minute to figure out who they were. Others whose glow up was phenomenal. It was the best of times…

Then I got into Instagram, Twitter, and now Tik Tok is like my favorite past-time… mini 90 second movies about everything from dance challenges, to folks cleaning their houses, to stuff that’s one set from only fans but for free. I use social media to keep up with folks, post my thoughts, share inspiration, and promote my business. It’s become part entertainment, networking tool, marketing tool, den of foolishness… a smorgasbord of uses… great and no so great.

One of it’s biggest downsides, second only to promoting unrealistic, unhealthy, and just completely false narratives about the ways people look, live, and behave… is this idea that if it isn’t on social media, it didn’t happen. The manifestation of that voyeuristic approach to people’s personal lives goes beyond social media into real life in ways that puncture relationships. Like stab the shit out of them. Murder, death, kill.

“You never post me” , “You didn’t like my status”, “You didn’t wish me a Happy Birthday on Facebook”, “You didn’t comment on my post”… WHAT!?!?!? I mean I have either heard or heard stories about these very conversations, even when acknowledgement, when necessary, is made person to person. There is a heavy belief among folks in a certain demographic… mostly people who grew up with social media… that it simply didn’t happen if you didn’t broadcast it. It’s the nightly news for foolishness. “Reverse cowgirl on that ass and knocked him out” (with a picture of him asleep), “We twerked on handstand for my girls birthday in the middle of Peachtree Street… city girls for life.”

That energy leads to people having this wild notion about what you should and should not share, either because they overshare, are nosy, or both. Why you never post your bf/gf!? Why you keeping secrets? Why you didn’t post your new house? This idea that somehow people should be privy to whatever sector of your life they deem interesting, juicy, entertaining is mad wild. No one is obligated to share personal shit with you unless, until, and in the forum they deem appropriate. Just because half the world posts themselves doing everything from brushing their teeth, changing their clothes, writing a letter, making a snack, and making their bed… does not mean anyone else must follow that blueprint. Social media got ya’ll so busy taking selfies all day you have forgotten that real human connection leads to vulnerability and openness… not keystrokes.

We live in a time where people would rather text that hear someone voice, inflections, tone; The necessities of effective and meaningful communication. The “don’t call me” faction is mad heavy. So people believe they have real friendships in interactions that are limited, virtual, and void of body language and human to human emotion. Some things cannot be translated via strictly wireless interaction. Someone on your “friends list” doesn’t make them your “friend”… that’s a strong word. An associate, acquaintance, Facebook or Instagram cohort sure… a friend… not necessarily. So those folks surely are not going to give you access to every intimate part of their lives. Stop expecting and asking for it. It’s mad weird. Read the room.

In a not so odd twist, the intensity and level of sharing people do to strangers gives an unrealistic idea to people you might actually have real relationships with about what they are privy to or the amount of equity in your friendship. We all have the right, whether virtually or in person to share what we wish. Sure, friends are open with one another, but everyone has boundaries. We’ve come to believe that our stock in other people is limitless and we have some say in their bounds… we don’t. It is imperative we allow folks to decide what they communicate and to whom… and as long as their communication with us is honest, responsible, kind, and with some semblance of regularity (whatever is regular for those people), then that should be sufficient. Demanding shit from grown people that they don’t owe you is madness. Social media is not a replacement for human connection, and it certainly isn’t the place to tell all your business. Cuz why don’t you post your credit card number and expiration date… I mean if we posting all of our business.

Thank you for attending my TED Talk.

Of Coke Cans and Census Counts

Ya’ll, this shit is mad crazy. In the days since the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, I have attended a rally in the metaverse, comforted friends, dealt with my own thoughts and feelings about this bullshit, and read the thoughts and opinions of my peers on social media. Mostly, though, I have armed myself with information. When you know why people act the way they do, you can equip yourself and your community with the tools you need to combat the shit White supremacists do that stand to hurt your people the most. And be clear, this disproportionately hurts Black people more. Like every other piece of legislation or jurisprudence which has at its heart, protecting “white life” as Congresswoman Mary Miller said. Miller, who has several Black and Brown grandchildren, thanked the harbinger of this country’s turn toward demolishing every institution, political goal, government protocol, and law that sought equal protection of the law and due process for all humans, Donald… you know who he is, his whole name makes me vomit.., for preserving “White life.”

How white supremacist of you Mary!

So let’s talk facts.

But be clear, THIS time it’s not just about hurting others. It is mainly about protecting themselves. Bill Wattenburg’s The Birth Dearth, written in 1987, predicted this after the baby boom. He postulated that as the number of children White families had dwindled so would their population. The growth of the White population majority, he stated, ensured the economic stability of the country. Which in turn ensured the status quo. But as minority populations overtook the White population, divisiveness would result, and “it would make it difficult to promote and defend liberty…” And he was correct. Here we stand, the White population down 10% in the last decade, watching government agents we voted for or didn’t vote against (SHAME on you), dismantle these freedoms, rights, and liberties. The same ones we believed were inalienable. The same one’s though that never applied to Black and Brown people anyway. The writers of these hundreds year old documents owned… yep OWNED slaves and tried to prevent others from coming to this country that they, in fact, stole.

So let’s be real clear, this action by the conservative White men, their supportive White woman, and the turncoat Black man on the Supreme Court is for the White majority ALL about preserving White life like Mary said. Abortion stops White births. And soon, like Clarence “Coke Can” Thomas stated in his concurrence, soon contraception, same sex marriage, and to his chagrin, interracial marriage… all predicated upon liberty and substantive due process, which were attacked in the opinion, will come under fire too. Contraception stops white population growth. Same sex marriage has the potential to thwart white population growth, and interracial marriage doesn’t produce White children. Funny that Thomas included this in his concurrence, with his Black ass. You can marry your way to Whiteness or wash that color off negro! But she tried to tell us…

Professor Hill we owe you an extreme apology, ESPECIALLY in the aftermath of Me Too, Cosby, and Weinstein. Cuz this nasty negro should have never been ever considered for such a role. But here we are. We have men, Thomas & Kavanaugh, with a history of violating women making laws that can violate women. Something in the milk ain’t clean.

This is what happens when we don’t take advantage of the one of the EXPRESS rights Black people and Black women have … the right to vote. Only Justices Sotomayor, Kagan, and Breyer voted against the majority. Every other Justice was nominated by a President whose electorate included a lower percentage of minorities than White voters, except Black women. Two of those Presidents, the younger Bush and Trump, received less votes than their Democratic opponent. We swindle our votes and shit like this happens. The resulting Presidency in elections where Black voters outvoted everyone and our candidate of choice, President Obama won, he was blocked by these minions of Trump, from nominating a Supreme Court Justice. That didn’t make us turn up and out like bees to honey in the next election, well except Black women, and that’s unfortunate. We can’t trick away the one right that is listed EXPRESSLY in the Constitution. Well we can… and the Plan Bs are flying off the shelf as a result. In state’s that ban abortion, women unable to afford medical terminations or to travel will find dangerous ways to terminate pregnancies they cannot afford, that are the result of rape or incest, and that they simply do not want in their bodies.

Bottom line, the holding is Dobbs v. Jacksons Women’s Health Organization, “The Constitution does not confer a right to abortion; Roe and Casey are overruled; and the authority to regulate abortion is returned to the people and their elected representatives” is a exercise in white supremacy. Wattenburg was telling us the unadulterated truth. The lack of gun control, the murder of Black unarmed victims by State actors, January 6th, the open and public violent racism promoted by Trump and his followers, jurisprudence which robs us of our rights, and the Congress and Court that look more like the Red Wedding than the United States, are simply measures to ensure the White majority. We have to all come together to vote against Coke Cans and Census Counts and not rely on the most mistreated people in America, Black women, to do the United State’s dirty work alone. We are SC Justices now, not just maids to clean up behind your mess.

A Black girl will save the world, let’s do everything in our power to deserve that Queen shit. November 2024 is coming.

NOTE: States which allow abortions: Alaska, Arizona (15weeks), Cali, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida (15 weeks), Hawaii, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas (8/2 case pending), Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan (court order), Minnesota, Montana, Nevada, NJ, NM, NY, Oregon, RI, Vermont, Washington.

Buffalo Soldiers

Pushing your cart with the rickety wheel through the supermarket, picking up the unbruised apples and putting them in the plastic bag you just snatched apart from the roll, grabbing spaghetti noodles and sauce off the shelf thinking of the dinner you’ll serve to your fam…

“There was a Buffalo Soldier in the heart of America” -Bob Marley

This shit doesn’t stop. In markets, where we pick up the staples of nutrition to feed our families. In SCHOOLS where we drop off our babies in the morning to learn so they gain the knowledge to build or destroy. In church where we praise God, and we all are infused with the spirit of building our communities. In the capital where the elected officials, our ancestors died to give us the right to choose, make laws. In the capital where our elected officials need to pass laws that make it harder to get a gun than a driver’s license. In the capital where our elected officials need to look more like the community at large and less like the graduating class of Harvard in 1950, a bunch of old White dudes. White boys who are taught they alone are the majority, the mode, and the median begat White boys who write manifestos about losing their rightful place on their social, financial, and professional throne, and plan to take it back with ARs and AKs.

So ingrained in them by privilege and supremacy that they are the numero uno, the most important thought and voice, that the minute someone doesn’t agree or someone’s voice is elevated, they terrorize churches, schools, supermarket. These are the last places one expects, but suddenly the places people fear, to be threatened. They use guns to paralyze us. They use police to legally murder us. They use courts to disproportionately cage us like animals. We are being terrorized by tyranny. We are being traumatized by racism.

“Buffalo soldier, Buffalo soldier
Will you survive in this new land?”-The Persuasions

18-year old Payton Gendron killed ten Black people in Tops Friendly Market in Buffalo. He had been seen for psychiatric help based on a murder-suicide letter he wrote but didn’t have his guns taken away as allowed under New York laws. Instead he went to Buffalo, because it had the most Black residents in his area. He originally planned to go to a church or school, but chose the grocery store hoping to kill more people. He went the day prior to stake out the store posing as a panhandler. The murderer legally purchased the AR-15 style gun used in the attack. bought a shotgun in December and received a rifle as a Christmas present at 16. While one must be 21 to buy a handgun one can buy an assault rifle at 18. A bill to change this will likely sit in the Senate after passing the House.

Sounds like January 6th. Which according to the idiots who support racism wasn’t a coup or insurrection. I guess this wasn’t a murder either.

Children don’t vote. The average age of the Buffalo victims minus the youngest victim is 65. 65 year old Black people vote, primarily Democratic, in record numbers. So after 22 mass shootings killing 246 people this year alone; babies shot at Parkland; Columbine; and parishioners killed during bible study in Charleston, we finally get some action. Our lives don’t seen to matter when we are living, Our lives aren’t worth protecting only our potential votes. Black bodies and young bodies are treated as invaluable until our bodies littering the ground and floor affect their bottom line. It feel like a political move not a humanitarian one. Yet we continue to fight.

“Buffalo soldier
Tell me when will they call you, you a man?”

The trauma of racism is real. Like all trauma, it needs to be medicated and healed, perhaps not with pills but definitely with therapy. Like my bestie says, Everybody needs therapy. So employers need to provide trauma counselors for employees who deal with this constant trauma. Organizations that address Black issues need to host group therapy sessions to deal with racial trauma. And these racial attacks need to be identified as such.

Our racial trauma needs to be prioritized. We need to be honored for fighting for freedom constantly in a country that doesn’t seem to value us. We need to be valued. Our trauma needs to be recognized. Since the Civil War, we have been fighting against racism by serving in the Union army against the Confederacy. Over 150 years later our hair is still curly and our bodies are still used as shields but our humanity denied. Those ten Black people who were shopping in that grocery store were Buffalo soldiers.

“There was a Buffalo Soldier
In the heart of America
Stolen from Africa, brought to America
Fighting on arrival, fighting for survival”-Bob Marley

When will surviving annihilation become living peacefully…

Think Peace

I wake in the morning, another appointment. I hope the psychologist listenin’ – Kendrick Lamar, United in Grief, Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers

I love Kendrick, he was a part of my weekend. This is not a Kendrick think piece, but it is a think peace. It is an amalgamation of thoughts I have had this past week, framed by my guy dropping his newest album, until this very moment, that have a theme, of sorts. Hopefully you will catch it or it will resonate. Maybe it won’t but that’s okay. I don’t write for approval. It’s creative therapy.

I choose me, I’m sorry. –Kendrick,


The world in a panic.” -Kendrick

Yesterday, a White teenage supremacist walked into a grocery store in a Black part of Buffalo, plagued by segregation and affected by the common highway cutting through the neighborhoods of Black people, virtually disturbing their environments and peace, and killed tern people with a rifle with nigger emblazoned on it. A nigger killer, if you will. A teenager whose manifesto was a three year plan, to save the white race and white children… basically by murdering my people.

In this country built upon the backs of Africans who begat African Americans, there is this agenda that now claims white America faces extinction snd the way to right that is to again oppress and dishonor the humanity of Black people. This child who likely wasn’t taught anything about our addition to the value of this country was able to determine that we are the enemy of his future. The murder of those people and the end of this child’s freedom are the faults of ultra conservative right wingers who supported that political lie to gain political favor.

Today a white man walked into the Black church where the Governor and Attorney General were worshipping with a hurting community, with a gun. We can’t worship God in peace. United in Grief.

Yo, I’m livin’ in this time behind enemy lines so. I got mine, I hope you got yo’self a gun. -Nas

I bought a .223, nobody peace treat. -Kendrick

The value of hip hop has become very dependent upon being a bop with quoteables that will make good Tik Tok content. If I hear “I don’t even gotta walk in with my tool out,” one more time… like sir, quiet down. It’s less about the art and lyrics and more like a recipe for pill and pussy popping. Every Future album sounds the same is considered a five mic classics. Yet an album whose admittedly different production highlights the deep and complicated lyrics, like a jazz band highlights the leader’s instrument, is criticized. The way Miles Davis was criticized for his electronic sound during the velvety jazz era, at this time of catchy twerkable rap tunes, something this different isn’t going to be an instant success.

MMBS is five years after DAMN. Well in five years the artist has become a father; live through a 2-year isolating and socially transformative pandemic; watch countless videos of Black people dying, including a man heartbreakingly calling out to his mother as he took his last breaths; a unapologetic racist President backed by the conservative Congress he bullied like schoolyard boys; and a virus wipe out almost a million people in America. The album integrates that trauma into it’s lyrics and production. Most songs feature multiple beat changes. I haven’t even fully immersed myself in it, but emerged seen, understood, connected, and more at peace than when I entered. It’s a musical therapy session. Peace in chaos.

You really need some therapy…
Bottled up no chaser
Need no chaser-

Sometimes therapy is not sitting on a sofa stretched out in an office. Yesterday I spent time gardening and with my great girlfriends, and it was surely therapeutic. I’m a pretty awesome friend…I give pretty good advice, I’m supportive, I am fun, and I try to make time despite being overwhelmed with priorities. My gardening skills, however, are lacking. Those peonies and lavender might not make it to Friday, but I wanted to try something new because I love peonies and lavender. Time will tell if the gardening pans out, but the conversation I had with a few of my day ones this weekend … cash money!

We talked about our experiences and issues with men and shared truisms we had collected to help us become better mates to attract better partners. We all discussed wanting and needing a mature mate, as grown as his numerical age dictates, and being at peace with leaving situations when they no longer serve us instead of staying afraid of repeating past failures. It’s imperative that when we see red flags to accept them and move on, and understand that choosing ourselves is never a failure. Dating with purpose, but being careful to vet all potential mates and date in the here and now, not just fall into relationships with people we know due to familiarity.

Can I open up? Is it safe or not?
I’m afraid a little, you relate or not?

The took accountability about likely not always being the best partner, and needing to do a self evaluation on what kind of partners we are versus the kind we know is necessary, and making the moves to get there. Those of us who had been married and/or recently separated from a commitment acknowledged needing time to heal from past hurt. It was a discussion centered on being our best selves. It was centered on accountability and peace. It was centered on healing.

I’m sacrificin’ myself to start the healin’ and…
Shit on my mind and it’s heavy

I sometimes struggle with letting things go. I have a vengeful nature that I’m not proud about, but I’m very clear about. My revenge stories are legendary… just saying. But this weekend I just decided to stop cold turkey. Energy out equals energy in, and I noticed that some of the people I know with the most toxic energy constantly emit that type of energy… and it ages you, it angers you, and it makes you insecure and unkind. Only energy I’m interested in is bright and sparkly like sequins, rich like vintage Daytona Rolexes, and present like Eckhardt Tolle. After all the greatest energy is peace.

Trying to keep the balance, I’m playing strong. Stop playing with me ‘fore I turn you into a
[ BLOG ] -Kendrick Lamar

“Everybody needs therapy.” -LaToya Henry


Wow… so in the midst of war in the Ukraine, horrible tornados ravaging parts of the US, and inflation making everything from gas to food extraordinarily expensive, we are witnessing history being made… the nomination of the first Black woman to the Supreme Court. It is historic. Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson is among the most highly qualified judges to ever be nominated to the highest court. Her qualifications are stellar. Yet the behavior of the primarily White male Senators on the right has been appalling, but unfortunately not shocking. Surprise Surprise!

They have gathered together in Donald Trump’s name to make this very important job interview, if you will, into a performance of sound bites for the 20 Republican Senate seats up for reelection in 2022. They clearly plan to make critical race theory, transgenderism, child pornography, abortion, and the topics of police and gun law reform the trends in these elections. So they have decided to play a game of dodgeball with the Judge, to try to both expose her as unqualified and to advance their policies. But this is not an underdog story and Judge Jackson is far from your average joe… she has clerked at every judicial level up to the Supreme Court, served as a Court of Appeals and District Court Judge, worked in private practice, and as a federal public defender, written for the Harvard Law Review, and worked on the sentencing commission. She is the hi-hat and these sad little men are the spoons… in that confirmation hearing room, their arms are indeed too short to box with this goddess.

She is OVERqualified… beyond, above, more than, plus, double it and add tax. Sis is a whole mood…

…she knows what these little men are doing. She can smell their cologne with base notes of fear and top notes of privilege, race-isms, and sex-isms. Yet she remains poised and patient. She says, “thank you Senator” at every turn, but never fails to school them on the limits, powers, scope, policy, and procedures of the judiciary, something she knows much better than they do. But she even manages to pull their Congressional card, letting them know what their duties entail and how they are, in fact, responsible for much of what they are attacking her for. She is a quintessential educated Black woman, more qualified, dignified, and certified than these men she will soon outrank, outearn, and at EVERY turn outdo. They only like their little women “in the kitchen or the bedroom Florida”, but Judge Jackson commands rooms… confirmations to courts. Recognize. This is not Little Women, this is Big Bosses.

She is us and we are her. I know a myriad of amazingly successful Black women engineers, doctors, PR professionals, superintendents, lawyers, teachers, professors, nurses, directors, VPs, and judges who know all too well the unbearably uncomfortable stench of racism staring back at them through beady pupils void of all humanity, with thin persed lips that let nigger slip between them freely in White spaces, and let microaggressions pour onto the floor covering our feet so they are hard to lift. We also know, because we are stars, just like Cory Booker said of Judge Jackson, that we are singlehandedly the harbingers of hope that America will ever be as great as all proclaim. For if we are still the most disrespected, underpaid, and ignored people in America… when we are among the most educated and most entreprenuerial … things White men have been heralded for for centuries, then America has not fulfilled its promise. It indeed has not, but we won’t stop busting ceilings and busting heads until it does. Gang gang.

Being overqualified in a sea of mediocrity is not new for Black women. While we were keeping weak ass, fainting ass Missy from passing out in her corset by sneaking her tea cookies, we wear waist trainers under our suits to work like fucking what waist bosses! When we nursed lily White babies and kept them free from consumption, smallpox, and whatever was killing off White folks, our bodies kept enough magical milk to feed the babies we grew in our own bodies, often sister or brother to the baby who drank first. When we walked the halls of the first integrated schools while being harassed and assaulted, we fixed our starched shirts and perfectly pleated skirts, before tapping our curls into place to go learn and excel in spaces we weren’t wanted but knew we needed to show our faces in, so our own children would walk those halls like they owned them. And when Althea Gibson, Patricia Harris, Mae Jemison,Constance Baker Motley, Shirley Chisholm, Cathay Williams, Oprah Winfrey, Phillis Wheatley, and, Kamala Harris all became the first Black woman to reach some magnificent point of excellence, once only allowed to wealthy and powerful White men, through dedication and hard work instead of the typical privileged and nepotistic means… a way was made for this moment. This is what we do… cause lovely chaos.

So how fitting, as Black women and our allies all gather together in Ketanji’s Onyika’s name, which mean’s “lovely one”. We recognize the magnitude of Judge Jackson’s nomination and coming confirmation to the highest court in our nation, where women have gained rights and liberties once denied to us. We also join in her celebration… as this moment, like all of our biggest moments, are shared with our sisters. She is the dream and hope of our ancestors, who with us, have her back. And we feel the same way sweet Laila…who is seen below looking at her mom with the sweetest admiration, joy, and pride… your mother is our hero too! Overqualified personified!

Black women… never be afraid to be your best and bravest self… our daughters are watching!

Own your influence

I watched the Joe Budden interview with Nicki Minaj… and besides his split seam skinny jeans and her having her purse on her chair on set … I was super impressed with Nicki and Joe. Joe is an interesting character, I’ll stop there. Nicki… I haven’t rocked with her since the “Monster” era…

“Okay, first things first I’ll eat your brains
Then I’ma start rockin’ gold teeth and fangs
‘Cause that’s what a motherfuckin’ monster do”

But she schooled a generation in this interview…


She talked about starting the trend in “pink hair, thick ass” for female rappers and middle part dark hair that has come to be known in this time as “Kardashian” hair. Not that she invented those trends, but that she was the muse behind their resurrection in style. Her points were solid & salient!

But it did bother me a bit, she failed to give Kimberly Jones her due… like all of it… I mean …

But more importantly, it got me to thinking about a really solid statement she made… that when we, especially Black women fail to acknowledge and broadcast our influence we make it easy for people to attribute our style and beauty to White influence that is really just a mimic of us. It happens all the time. “Boxer braids”, the idea that wearing one side of your overalls undone didn’t come from Black folks in the 80s, the sneaker trend, stiletto nails, logo prints on clothes-helloooooo Dapper Dan… I could go on.

But unfortunately, very often when we do speak up and voice our influence even other Black people see us as cocky, narcissistic, and conceited. The number of times Soulja Boy has SHOWED us that he invented many of the popular trends in hip hop, yet he’s taken as a joke until he proves it… wild. For women it’s that much worse. Lil Kim is singlehandedly responsible for making very high end designer houses popular in hip hop and then in pop culture. But she never gets her props. I mean… again…

So it’s time we start… and not just in fashion… because most of us don’t reign there… but… in our everyday lives to own and not license out our influence for pennies. We can only get what we are due if we don’t allow our value to be stepped on so much it’s rendered invaluable… gotta sell the product while the buzz is still powerful.

So if you are championing breastfeeding in the Black community unlike anyone else before you; you are the youngest Black female engineer in a city, state, county; you were the first of your kind in a setting that used your knowledge and example to grow and change; you are a certified FIRST, breaking glass, plaster, and drywall ceilings and walls; or maybe your influence and presence forever changed a thing… anything… speak on it. Let anyone trying to take credit for it today know you started it yesterday. Then when they circle back, tryna get some more of that thing you do effortlessly, charge double. What did Fat Joe say… “Yesterday’s price is not today’s price!” You want this excellence, FYPE!

And when the White girl at Nordstroms admires your manicure and says… you have those nails like the Kardashians… let her know… Nope, I got nails like Queen Nenzima!

Then… “put your number twos in the air if you did it on ‘em!” –Did It On ‘Em, Nicki Minaj

We don’t talk about Peri

There are a lot of things Black folks don’t talk about… Nana’s full mustache, Uncle James and Uncle Charlie are not just roommates, Cousin Tanya’s drug habit, that baby don’t look like Ray, and menopause. Your mother & grandmother either hid it, described it only as hot flashes, or they had complete hysterectomies and never experienced it. Whatever the case… we gotta talk about it. Specially peri menopause, cuz it’s that joker right there that is not for the weak.

So let’s get into it!

Peri menopause is the transition into menopause, which is the end of a woman’s reproductive years. It is during this time estrogen levels rise and fall and cause a myriad of symptoms that basically feel like everything from your hair to your feet is on that bullshit! An internet search led me to a few lists of symptoms: irregular menstrual cycles, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, mood swings, incontinence, bone fragility (1), more severe PMS, hair loss, weight gain, inflammation, headaches, back pain, forgetfulness, loss of libido, inability to concentrate (2), shortness of breath, heartburn, loss of appetite, depression/anxiety, vision issues, bloating, skin breakouts or dryness (3). And just personal one’s I’ve noticed… cold feet, spatial confusion, and tastebud changes. It typically starts in a woman’s 40s, but may start in her 30s, and can last anywhere from a few months to over a decade. (4) Not talking about peri is no bueno!

It makes no sense that women have to get surprised by this very normal and natural phenomenon. It’s not just hot flashes and your cycle ending… it is a whole fucking life change that women need to be prepared for, especially Black women. We know that Black women often face disparate treatment in healthcare settings because doctors don’t understand or have compassion for our unique health concerns, not enough medical research is done into the health realities of Black women, healthcare access is limited in poor and urban communities, and health education is lacking across the board for and regarding Black women’s bodies. When you add our reproductive health into the fold… we need to talk about Peri! She is a whole beast wrecking unnecessary havoc out here…

Our hormones are tied to damn near every physical process in our bodies. According to the US Environmental Protection Agency,

The endocrine system, made up of all the body’s different hormones, regulates all biological processes in the body from conception through adulthood and into old age, including the development of the brain and nervous system, the growth and function of the reproductive system, as well as the metabolism and blood sugar levels. The female ovaries, male testes, and pituitary, thyroid, and adrenal glands are major constituents of the endocrine system. (5)

Women with hormonal ebbs and flows are a whole environmental concern lolol! Why? Cuz we are literally a whole emotional system out in these streets, suffering from physical changes that mimic everything from mental illness to going blind. She is not to be fucked with. She might bite you. She is savage af, and she is probably sleepy and hungry simultaneously. She can wake up completely happy,

and in a matter of moments cycle through every emotion from confusion (about people, places, things, everything),



disinterest and lack of desire… to do anything,


choosing violence,

choosing calm & scary violence, or

scaring her damn self.

But whatever it is, she need to be adequately prepared to face it. And ladies, we have been thrown into the pits of hormonal chaos without a life preserver all because we don’t talk about Peri.

So if this sounds like you, if you read this and feel seen, talk about Peri… ask your sista friends, talk to your doctor, find another doctor if the one you have doesn’t listen and tells you that you are imagining these very real symptoms, and peruse social media. Women aren’t being silent… we gon talk about Peri’s raggedy ass!

Check out @kari_wright on Tik Tok… life changing!


(1) (2021)

(2) Cherney, K. (2020).

(3) Sharkey, L. (2021).

(4) (2020).

(5). USEPA (2021).