Ambitions as a Rider

So I see this tomfoolishness on Instagram, and I’m triggered. Not because this is my life, I care about either of these people, or this somehow relates to me… but because it’s the DUMBEST shit ever! Snoop should stick to rapping, that show he has with Martha Stewart, and wearing fucked up hairstyles. He’s good at those things. He should stop trying to promote healthy relationships. This the same negro who was married but walking around with two hoes in dog collars and chains.

Beyond that… this is all one big HELL NO!
I don’t know who came up with the term ride or die, but clearly it was a wack ass dude who felt like his woman should be willing to suffer to be beside him. She should want to die rather than walk away from him. He would call her strong, his Queen, his secret weapon in exchange for her blind loyalty.

If the only two choices are riding and dying, I wanna sit this one out. Shit sounds like a set-up.

Ride or die chick fighting insecurities, want a ring and my last name for securities.” -J. Cole Sparks Will Fly

America has very poor messaging to young women and young men about patriarchy, feminism, marriage, relationships, and gender roles.

-Women should aspire to be wives.
-Men should aspire to be wealthy and have many women, including a wife to bear his children and/or groom him into a man.
-Women are told to be virtuous and pure while men are praised for sowing their wild oats.
-Men run things while women are in the background, taking their notes or making their coffee.
-Women are expected to be whatever her man needs, and men are expected, to just be men.
-Women who comply , or who ride or die, will receive the spoils.

Those messages are not just floating out in space. They have become a major part of the American code. These messages are reinforced in our homes, in church, in school, on television. They often result in women making choices that aren’t based in reality but in some false social construct.

Some women exchange a ring for their respect, honor, and dignity. They are asked to be less of themselves for the comfort of that man and comply just to be married. Other women stay in relationships that are wildly toxic in order not to be alone… and that toxicity can be everything from emotional abuse to physical violence. Still others give up their own dreams and desires to support a man, who will never return the support, leaving her vulnerable to his whims because she’s given up her independence. All are riding, and all dying a little bit, emotionally for sure.

So we have couples like Gucci and Keyshia. I mean of all the people and relationships to promote, this is what we are doing?!?

Dude had (still has) a huge ice cream cone tattooed on his face, a lean induced beer belly, and he was ashy as hell all the time. He meets her. Then he goes to jail and spends the bulk of their relationship there. She stays with him, despite his continued problems with the law, drug use, and according to the meme, cheating. She matured him, groomed him, and supported him. This is the ashy, drug addict cheater with dairy products inked permanently on his face that she sacrificed parts of herself for. Articles call her the living example of love being patient and kind. But who was being kind to her? She certainly wasn’t being kind to herself.

Why are women expected to put up with a man’s disrespect and dishonor for the hope they’ll one day get the best of him? Why was she not worthy of the best of him from jump!?!? She may be a rider, but did she die? Maybe a little. A woman should not have to suffer to be besides her mate. She should never have to sacrifice to the point of emotional distress. She should have bigger ambitions than being just some man’s comeuppance. Always the prize, but never the winner.

She was with wild Gucci, on drugs Gucci, cheating Gucci, in jail Gucci”

Yeah but WHY? She already was successful. She was an urban model, in videos, and had a successful beauty business when they met and started dating. He was ashy af. But somehow she decided to give him a chance… now we’ve seen it time and time again. These dudes who look like struggle and a lifetime of regrets end up with attractive women… because they are wealthy men. She was successful but she didn’t have a rapper’s wife lifestyle. So perhaps, and most likely that’s why she endured these betrayals. Money often inspires blind devotion. That blind devotion requires giving more of yourself that you can ever hope to receive in return. There is no price on self worth!

This is Gucci after therapy/rehabilitation… a street man groomed in his 30s”

He should have healed himself before he involved her and her children in his toxic lifestyle. Here is where the difference between a healed and unhealed person becomes evident… the healed individual will walk you around their shit, so you see it but you aren’t made responsible for it. Unhealed people want you to sit in their stink so you can take it on as yours and feel obligated to help them through it. He allegedly gave her two million to hold while he was in jail, where do you think she was going? Nowhere. But she was certainly double boiling in his bullshit!

“…this is a rider … you bitches is with the next nigga after a couple fights “

So we already talked about her riding.., she’s in an unmanned car being driven into oblivion. Where tf is she going? But you are damn right I might be with the next one… now it would take more than a couple of fights, but if women are expected to put up with a man who is immature, addicted, in jail, inconsistent, and unfaithful, then call me uninterested. I’m not riding to my death. Period.

Everyone wants this”

Nah fam. Everyone does not. I can wear white to a house party. I can put on a pearl headband to go to the grocery store. Give me a man with millions and you can be sure I won’t waste a dime of it having some elaborate party for television, to show people why I ride so hard for dude. But I won’t be playing Build-A-Man… especially with an ashy dude with 31 Flavors on his face that can’t stay out of jail or other women as my base. I’m sure she has finally gotten the best of him, but at what cost?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been a rider all of my life. But I’ve also died a little in my spirit dealing with people who were just passengers while I drove us to the finish line. I’ve resurrected those parts of myself. At this point, no other human gets to dictate my path, so I’m no longer just riding. Beyond that, if we lose, we losing together and if we win, we’re winning together. So move over, I’m driving too… you do some riding. But no dying happens on my watch. I got ambitions.

“…now you got me right besides ya. Hoping you listen, I catch you paying attention to my ambitions as a rider“-Tupac Ambitionz as a Ridah

Wake up … Mr. West?

Okay so I had a whole other post planned… I’ll release that later. But I really want to talk to y’all about Kanye West because y’all concern me. Really you do. Take a psychology class, read an article on mental health, see all these posts about “support Black mental health” but then watch how you act. You don’t support a person’s basic rights… let alone their right to an opinion that doesn’t match your own. We put Brandt Jean on trial for forgiving. We wanna cancel Ellen because she sat with Dubya. Really?

Well I’m gonna tell you my opinion. Fight me. You might want to after this. I don’t care… this is what I do. Now read…

So recently he made some comments and y’all like, see keep dude cancelled cuz he’s on that bullshit again. Now I’m not gonna go back in time and argue my case for or against, but I will say this…

You cannot be for supporting Black mental illness and judge him through some other lens. You cannot also preach about privilege and racism and not see that in the past our elected leader has used this man to validate his position that he’s for “the Blacks”. We all know he’s not, but in a state of unmedicated mania, we can certainly understand, if we seek to, that this man should have been protected from that monster, not allowed to sit down with him and further his agenda as a result of his mental instability.

Okay so fast forward to this past Saturday, let’s break down what was said…

“Abraham Lincoln was the Whig Party—that’s the Republican Party that freed the slaves,” … That is truth. The Whig party was the modern party mid 19th century, that rose up in opposition to hard nosed racist Andrew Jackson, while his followers formed the Democratic Party… the party of the “people”… who were considered only the White men who could vote. They morphed into the Republican Party primarily huddled around the idea of anti-slavery. Yes the parties have “realigned”… but that does not negate his point. He was referring to being called a coon for his affiliation with the party.

“You black, so you can’t like Trump? I ain’t never made a decision only based on my color,” West said. “That’s a form of slavery, mental slavery.” Ok, so I cannot say I’ve never made a decision based on race. However, what a position to be in. To be so personally unaffected by the economic and social disadvantages of race to be able to see things from a different vantage point. Be clear that doesn’t mean race and racism aren’t important and present, but that as a singular human you can see outside of and around race, because your position allows you to. Black people VOTED for Trump, will likely again. He spoke about rights… the right to vote for whoever one desires. That is true, it is his right. We focus so much on what other people are doing we don’t focus enough on ourselves and how we play a role.

I see my social, political, and racial responsibilities involving as much my vote as my economic stability, promotion of that to my child and my peers, and use of whatever small or large platform I have to promote understanding, health, love, and more economic stability. This is America. For the love of money people will…

So while I dislike Trump, I understand it is within the right of anyone else to choose. Freedom of choice is huge. You can’t argue a woman’s right to chose then shit on his rights. I don’t listen to R. Kelly and I have not for years, he’s a child rapist. Other people do. I’ll take a racist over a child rapist any and every day if the week if I have to choose. But I get to choose. If I’m Kanye, I’ll take the racist who embraced me to use me over the Black people who condemn me and cancel me constantly and with vitriol.

Brandt Jean likely understands as does Ellen.

“Social media is designed to make you think slower. … They want to slow you down and control you”

Welllllllllllllllllllll… I can’t find the lie. Sorry. So you read an article, it contains quotes, but did you go and watch whatever they took quotes from. Chances are, EVERY TIME, the quotes, in QUOTATION MARKS are not exact quotes and are used to match the writer’s intent. So instead of reading or listening to what was said you are told what was said. Every article. Every. ERY. This quote was not about Trump but about him not paying attention to critics on social media. These are not unlike things we sat ALL the TIME.

If you got it from the internet, chances are you don’t have all the answers.

Keep in mind, this man doesn’t live in our world. He’s married to a woman who makes money because she’s a White woman with an ass and has gained more and more fame based on her relationships with Black men. He’s a genius. He’s mentally unstable. He sells out stadiums. We praise God with dude… who we hated a year ago. He’s a complicated individual. Our relationship with him is complicated.

Listen, I get it, we want our big names, the powerful, the verbose, the opinionated to stand up and out for US. I understand that. But we cannot want that so badly that we a) fail to do our part and b) ignore their ability to choose their own path and voice their own opinions. We cannot want others to be so woke, that we sleep on their rights.

After all, This is America.

C

West Side Story

“Here you are free and you have pride.
Long as you stay on your own side.” -West Side Story

So I grew up on the Eastside of Detroit… Between Warren and Gratiot. Everyone used to say to me… you don’t look like an Eastside girl and you certainly don’t act like one.

Wtf does that mean? I AM an East side girl though!

Well it meant my Grandmother wasn’t 38 when I was ten; She had gray hair and already had her AARP card. I knew my father’s name and better yet my Mother knew it; My parents were married when they conceived me. We could read; Everyone in my family had a degree, most multiple ones. No one had purple hair and we wouldn’t be caught dead in Farmer Jacks in our house slippers. Nobody had a bullet wound in their upper arm and I didn’t have a cousin or brother nicknamed Ray-Ray. I was smart, spoke proper English, wore glasses, had my hair in a bun, and went to private school. I just didn’t meet the stereotype.

Trust, I lived in the hood. We had a neighborhood dope boy; neighbors who had card parties every weekend playing the O’Jays way too loud; Gunshots woke me up at night; and once there was a dead guy hanging from the jungle gym at the park around the corner. It took the police forever to show up and the trap house was just two doors down.

But our home, like most of the homes in the area, was a multi-unit family home my Grandparents bought with their good state incomes, and planned to pass down for generations. That home saw four generations of us. West Side families lived in primarily single family homes, in homes their parents bought. Many of them the firsts in their families to go to college, succeed, and get good jobs, so they moved to the side of town most recently developed. The east side was more community centered, the west side more affluence centered. Neighborhoods boasting large sprawling mansions became a sign of success. Two family flats, which dominated Eastside areas, looked at as nods to the past. Although multi-unit homes were a better and much bigger investment.

Most of my friends grew up on the West Side of Detroit. I went to elementary and high school on that side of town. No one ever told them they didn’t seem like West Side girls because for the most part, I was the assumed anomaly. Neat, well dressed, well-spoken, smart girls don’t live in the Eastside, right?!?

Wrong!

I got this impression that people believed if you lived across Woodward you were the worst of us, Detroit being over 90% Black at that time. Much similarly how white flight saw White people moving to suburbs across 8 Mile, drawing a line in the sand of what was and was not the desirable place to live. I believe Black Detroiters did the same with East and West.

Sadly, it’s a tradition steeped in intra-racial stereotypes and bias that reeks of Stockholm Syndrome. We do the same things to one another that are done to us. We come up with these fallacies about each other, where we live, what we do for a living, how much we make, what groups we belong to, what we wear, drive, and live in… to deem ourselves elite and others regular or less than. It’s indirect oppression begat from being the victims of direct oppression. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.

To White people. Detroit is crime infested, don’t go past 8 Mile if you want to stay safe. You might die.

To West Side Black Folks: The East Side of Detroit is really ghetto and everything we have tried to escape. You might die.

Sound ridiculous… it is. We don’t have to try to separate ourselves into the same have and have not categories that have been forced upon us. We don’t have to pass judgement on one another and be apologists to white racism. We also don’t need to straighten up and fly right to gain White respect or adhere to American ideology of what makes someone “worthy” to gain success. We are a people of community… and America is a country based on individualism. When we abandon who we are to adhere to culturally absent rules… we lose that culture.

The truth is that originally as Detroit developed, it was modeled after other big cities with its concentrated population that started near East Grand Blvd, the former Woodward, and spread out. Post industrialization and as auto manufacturing in Detroit took off, the population increased. With its large land area, Detroit had so much land to spread out to, single family homes took over. It became a popular place for banks, as the housing boom meant a mortgage boom. The construction of highways meant even more spread could factor in.

That was then. This is now. What was once a sign of affluence has led to a lot of plight. As automation took over, those high paying lucrative jobs at Ford and Chrysler were down-sized. Folks could no longer afford those mortgages or to keep up those homes. Homes sat through harsh winters in foreclosure. Arson littered the city leaving vacant lots, many streets up and down Grand River having just a few homes per block. With population decline and the very large area of the city, there just aren’t enough people to live in and maintain those homes.

It’s one reason why areas such as East Village, West Village, the Eastern Market area, and surrounding downtown areas hit in the revitalization boom because they are easier to get around in the new walkable, bike friendly neighborhood model. Many areas of the West Side are simply too spread out. Those areas with larger homes do well for investment purposes, but overall those more dense areas are the most popular and see the most development surrounding them. Plus, it has opened the eyes if a lot of Black residents in the city who simply never traversed these areas of the East side. They heard of the gang infested Red Zone and the notorious Mack and Bewick and jumped on that as representative of the entire side of town.

The truth is, there is no real difference. That’s just ignorance.

For every chick in slippers at the party store on the East Side, I raise you a girl in her hair bonnet at Foodland on the West Side. For every hood girl with a struggle ponytail on the Eastside, I give you one really bad closure and visible lace front on the West Side. For every drawn on eyebrow, there is a separate but equal set of feather duster eyelashes. For every Uzi on Mack and Bewick, I raise you a Tec-9 in Brightmoor. For every jheri curl still in existence in the East Side, I give you a bad Luther, curl just don’t quite curl right Duke kit on the West Side. Sound ignorant as hell? Well it is.

We must know our history. Detroit has been made rich in culture because of the influence of our hustle. While all of our hustle hasn’t been good, it’s all been real. But crossing a street doesn’t make us better… and it sure as hell doesn’t make us worse.

I was raised on the East Side. I am not an anomaly. I just don’t fit your uneducated stereotype. Let me find a good multi-family home on the Eastside in good condition, I’ll take that over your one family Westside joint in a heartbeat. I got more hustle in me than you might think from looking at me.

“If I got to choose a coast I got to choose the East
I live out there, so don’t go there
But that don’t mean a nigga can’t rest in the West”-Notorious BIG

You down wit WPP

So Botham Jean was killed by off duty police officer Amber Guyger who entered HIS apartment and shot and killed him. He was unarmed… in HIS apartment.

Can we talk?

Honestly?

Okay, so at her sentencing yesterday, Botham’s brother hugged and openly forgave her. I imagine for him, losing his sibling, finding a way to forgive her and release the anger and rage he surely must have felt, was necessary. I don’t stand in judgement of him at all. He is grieving and trying to make sense of this all. He should do what he needs to do in order to help facilitate his healing. Forgiveness is for the forgiver, not the forgiven. She’s no more or less guilty because of his actions.

BUT…

this racist cow got her HAIR STROKED gently by the Black female bailiff after she was convicted of killing a Black man in his house.

WTF yo!?!?

Okay so baby steps.

This is Botham Jean. Born in St Lucia, Botham was an associate for Price Waterhouse, and the young age of 26. On September 8, 2018, Guyger claimed she mistakenly entered Botham’s apartment, thinking it was her own, and opened fire when she opened the door, which was left ajar, while Botham sat watching tv and eating ice cream. Witnesses say they heard knocking and a woman yelling “Let me in” in the hallway near Botham’s apartment. That same day someone filed a noise complaint with the complex from Guyger’s apartment regarding Botham’s apartment. Sounds like lies to me.

Anyhow, she was first charged with manslaughter and finally indicted for murder. Soon after investigators began looking for incriminating evidence against Botham, stating they found a small amount of marijuana in the home… which has no bearing on his murder. So the race shit starts.

First her lawyer seeks to move the trial to a whiter area of town to get a whiter jury. She made social media comments relating to her shoot first, ask questions later frame of mind. She also sent texts to her married beau about having a different work ethic than Black officers, and joking that killing off MLK would cease the Black themed events in the area. She’s clearly a racist gutter rat….

So not only did she get 10 years for murder, can you say White Privilege plus White Protection (oh imma get back to that) she will be eligible for parole in five years. None of US will be surprised if she’s walking the streets by 2024. But our lack of surprise does not replace our outrage.

They can kill us in the streets. They can kill us in a cell. They can kill us in our own homes. And they barely serve time in jail. They can do anything they want to us. A story we won’t live to tell.

We are tired, angry, hurt, traumatized, afraid, protective, and sick of the privilege and syndromes they enact upon us time and time again. Then they attempt to smear our souls, after they have snuffed our lives, by searching for pictures in bandanas, middle fingers up, grillz, or social media posts that incriminate the victims. Only for crimes committed by White people do victims become the criminals and the criminals become victims.

I mean how dare this Black man eat ice cream on his sofa in his own apartment… didn’t he know he might get shot? While this murderer has her hair gently stroked and primped like she was a precious doll on display and not a convicted racist murderer. Oh what a treat…

and by a Black woman at that.

You are focused on his brother… an example of the power of forgiveness and healing. Focus instead on how this judge came off the stand to embrace this convicted murderer and how she had her hair stroked like an innocent child. That’s the shit that I call WPP… it’s white protection privilege for white women.

It’s a social illness often suffered by White people and people of color alike. This idea that white women are in need of protections often not offered to other women, as the white womb of future white men. Yep, I said it. White women’s chastity, safety, reputation, and lives are given this state of the art security protection that is offered up solely based on their bodies as potential breeders to more privileged white men. They don’t care about you boo… just your uterus. Be clear.

But like everything that has permeated American racial politics, some of us get manipulated or simply tricked into believing this is what’s up. It ain’t. But it’s why you see Black children pick white dolls… supposedly prettier. It’s why folks see a white woman crying and run to her aid… often to the detriment of women of color who are expected to help her. She’s the fallen princess, and we are the mules that carry her lifeless body back to safety. We stroke her hair, coddle her, make sure she is ok. No matter how much we’ve been yet, abused, or used… check on white sis.

Fuck that ole Imitation of Life shit.

Especially when she murders Black men.

Go home and stroke your Mama’s hair… or better yet walk over and embrace that man’s mother, show her kindness. You already know what a racist murderer can get. Sadly it ain’t the same 45 years a Black man gets for shooting a dog.

“Not fiction but black fact, believe that… get the bozack!” -EPMD

#sayhisname #bothamjean

Perception v Reality

“Right before your eyes but you don’t realize…” -Warren G

Is perception reality, or is it your, hers, or his version of what happened. If reality is how things ACTUALLY exist and we know that how people see things is often determined by a variety of facts … can it be that our interpretation of the situation is always fact and truth based? I say not!

Listen and tell me what you think:

perception-v-reality.m4a

Put Em in Check

Forgive the sound quality bc I was literally On the Lodge wit it…

put-em-in-check-on-the-lodge-wit-it.m4a

It’s not verbatim but a snippet of my discussion here! Enjoy. I clearly need better acoustics! But lemme know what you think.

………

No, not her.

Not him either.

You boo… I’m talking about you!

As wonderful and “Yesssss Girl Yesssssss” supportive as we are, as giving, healing, loving, and full of humanity as we might be… all of us have negative characteristics.

Kind, compassionate, smart, fun, and lazy.

Honest, supportive, witty, stable, and bitchy.

Successful, beautiful, talented, and unhealed.

And while we often exalt ourselves, which we should, we need to pepper that sugar with some salt to help draw out those impurities. I mean no matter how fine we are, we still do a charcoal mask or a ACV rinse on our lovely locks once a week… it keeps us looking our best. Well similarly we need to do a gut check to make sure we are being as forthright in our relationships… cuz if we are bitchy sometimes, we have the tendency to be a bitch at any given moment and towards anyone.

So we need to put those negative qualities in Check, and make sure we follow some important guidelines when we have unloaded our negative bits onto someone else. And we do it all the time, sometimes in small ways, other times in larger ways. But it’s our responsibility to pick that low hanging fruit and instead go high.

Check Yourself 101

1. Acknowledge all of who you are

2. Be present

3.Be honest with yourself

4. Take notice of how you feel after you demonstrate any of those negative traits

4. Ask for forgiveness

5. Sit in that shit so you know how it will explode the next time you decide to demonstrate those words/actions/energy.

Our relationships depend on us being clear about how we treat others. When you have been a bitch, lazy, or brought that unhealed negative energy into your interactions with others, it manifests mentally and emotionally with those you care about… and even those you don’t!

And be clear, our behaviors and words matter no matter who we direct them at! No one is in control of you, but you. It doesn’t matter what she did or he said, how we choose to react says everything about who YOU really are. I’m not saying don’t check them too, but acting an ass is not a requirement to getting your point across. Got it! Hope so.

So while you are basking in your light, be aware of where your light is dim. Other people deserve the best of you or none of you, but not ever the worst of you. We all have gifts and garbage… no one wants your trashy ass behavior! No one.

Genetic Entitlement Disorder

Yep… it’s real.

The concept came from a sistafriend who has been traveling the world on business. Meanwhile the world comes to me in my profession. I work in immigration. I literally see the world’s humanity displayed across from me daily. It’s a telling tale. And white male patriarchy is a tale as old as time….and spans across the globe. Yet entitlement is not beasty. And being an other is at times a struggle. Yet unnecessary struggle does not a beauty make. This isn’t just an American reality. All over the world color and gender separately and in tandem are used as a means to exercise superiority over others.

So here we are.

Entitlement is a genetic disorder. It’s been passed down from generation to generation since the first Romans and Greeks took full credit for the education Thales, Pythagoras, and Plato learned in Egypt from “very Black” teachers as stated by Aristotle in Physiognomonica. The effort to erase all intellectual stock present in those of us with African blood has continued present day. So much so, in many countries, those with skin other than milky white bleach to get that affect. It has both mental and emotional symptoms that lead its victims to have the actual belief that they are better than the rest of us also made from a human ovum and spermatozoa. Their whiteness and maleness attributes they associate with intellect, worth, attractiveness, civility, and humanity. If that ain’t a disorder, I don’t know what is.

It results in patriarchy, discrimination, sexism, hate, racism, and most of all… I’m bringing it back…bitchassness. You must be some type of bitch if you actually believe the color of your skin grants you anything but more or less melanocytes. That’s it… that’s all you get. White skin doesn’t make you better and darker skin doesn’t make you lesser. But if you anything like me… the darker the berry…

Sorry… I got sidetracked.

Anyway.

So we have one side fighting to hold on to its throne of entitlement and the other fighting to be considered. I say it’s a fight we should not wrap our hands and grease our faces for. The best way to handle someone who is a danger to you is to stay tf away from them or arm yourself. After all, it’s a disorder they choose to live with. It’s very easily curable.

Let’s start with the latter…

“woke up this morning, you got yoself a gun..” -Nas

When you wake up everyday you come armed with all you need to fight against entitlement. Your presence. Walk through every space of your life with your head held high and knowing you belong there. Partially because your ancestors built this shit, and partially because God placed you here. You see, your very existence, your brain, your heart, your intelligence, your hustle, your work ethic, your gangsta, your dope ass self is all you need in the fight. The entitled don’t want to see you in their spaces unless you are holding a feather duster or notepad transcribing their thoughts. But when we infiltrate those typically white male spaces, our presence alone chips away at that entitlement. You already have ammunition… your mighty self.

Or you can build your own shit. Walk away from the opportunities they provide that dictate your worth and the value of your skills, by dictating and valuing your own. We have it inside of us to build nations, we built this one with our bare hands. We have it inside of us to slide our chairs away, and take a seat at the table we bought with the money we earned first from them. We have it inside of us to build our own businesses, communities, banks, hospitals, schools…

YES SCHOOLS, where the entitled have replaced true history with feigned history that negates who people of color are and exalts white men to explorers and discoverers instead of murderers and pillagers with a bad sense of direction. Let’s arm ourselves with knowledge to fight against entitlement.

But whatever we do, be clear that it is their genetic disorder to cling to or release. It’s a birth mark of stupidity that they can erase through acceptance, information, education, and experience. It isn’t our job to free them from the bonds of entitlement. It isn’t our responsibility to fight their fight. As we move forward and people of color begin to outwork, outrank, and outnumber them… they’ll either shit or get off the pot.

Meanwhile, worldwide, men will continue to treat women as lesser than and there to simply attend to their needs and white and lighter skinned people will continue to treat people of deeper and darker hues as less civilized and less intelligent. It’s a mental state built on superiority…but more importantly it’s a mental state built upon personal gain. Anyone willing to oppress my humanity for gain is clearly not well, and their illness is a generational curse of mistreatment of others.

So here we are.

just say NOPE

I write for people.

I write for Black people.

I write for Black women.

This is specifically for Black women. But everyone might learn something, so here we go…

Fuck him!

Stop picking these men who don’t have shit and ain’t never had shit…but you. Stop it. Whether he slides into your DMs or shoots his shot in the flesh … do some homework on that nigga first… and if he doesn’t add up… NOPE!

This isn’t about possessions or having a lot of money, but I’m talking about men who have never had a goal and accomplished it, never seen outside the four corners of the city they have lived in since birth, never had a dream, a plan, a disappointment, a car that didn’t belong to their mother, a bus pass, job they actually enjoyed, a bottlecap collection… nothing.

Here’s the thing, a man who has never had shit but you, won’t value you. Period. He has never learned the importance of taking care of the things you are blessed with that add to your life, help you grow, make you better. He has never been in a position to learn that we love people and use things, not the other way around. He’s going to covet you as an object to control and not going to see you as a human with emotions, feelings, standards, and the ability to slice his throat. He won’t properly take your needs, standards, wants, and concerns into account because he won’t see them as his responsibility as your mate. He’ll feel like his presence as your suitor is enough. NOPE!

After all things just want to be had right!? They just sit on the shelf pondering when someone will come along and buy them and take them home. Well #1, you are not a thing! #2, He’s never had a thing. So he cannot differentiate you from one. Sure he may know intrinsically that you are human and you feel joy and feel pain. Yet when he’s never even really felt the joy of an accomplishment or the pain of disappointment, he doesn’t realize sunshine and rain are real and tangible and the warmth of the sun and the growth provided by the rain result in real human emotions, experiences, and reactions.

All he has is you… and in truth he does not. We are not belongings. We share our lives with people we care about because we enjoy them and love them. But the decision to share ourselves, to love, to hope, to dream, and to feel makes us unable to be possessed fully. Only someone who has given up on themselves can be had. Someone who sees the beautiful possibilities of life is free, and unable to be owned. Been there, done that, still have the scars. NOPE

In addition, he won’t know how to act as you acquire things, like possessions, financial stability, success. Flash will want your spot…

but he can’t get it cuz he ain’t got it. And he never has. He doesn’t even know what IT is!

We owe it to ourselves to pick better, and not just allow ourselves to be plucked like flowers but to take part in the decision to share ourselves. We have to treat ourselves like whole humans and be clear about who we are… And if he ain’t never had shit. He won’t know how to tell trash from pure treasure!

And as for you…

You are not his mother. You aren’t his maid, his chef, his whore. You don’t owe him ass because he paid. You are not his Grandmother who stayed with his hoeing ass Granddaddy with the two outside kids. You are not his crutch. You are not his last resort. You are not a thing to possess and throw away when he’s tired of you.

just say NOPE!

“World in his palms, Akeem still needed Lisa/Hope he treat her better than Tommy treated Keisha/You gotta love your Queen cuz God knows that you need her.” -Rapsody Hatshepsut

Your (Fake) Sensitivity

Listen… real quick… one of these kids IS NOT unlike the others! And just because the one little Black girl’s hair in it’s natural state is not long or straight, that doesn’t make this racist or mean that she was being mistreated. They ALL look disheveled about the head.

So two weeks ago or more, school started around the country and people were making posts about how neat their kids are before school and how they look like they’ve been through a tsunami after school…

So when I saw this H&M ad that originally singled out the Black child, I first thought of these before-after pictures. All the children in the H&M ad look like the after. ALL THE CHILDREN! So once I started reading I was appalled at the idea that her hair looked uncombed and unkempt and was “wrong”. But when I looked at the entire ad campaign, my suspicions that this pic was a play on the before-after were validated. But y’all kept going off.

“And that’s when my sensitivity gets in the way”-Luther Vandross

And this time my people, y’all are WRONG!

No matter how great thou, thou arguments, and thou commentary art, all of the children in that ad are fine just the way they are styled. ALL THE CHILDREN. Understand when we are talking about children it is imperative that they be treated equitably and equally and made to feel like their difference is okay. It is adults who are complicated and need all this complex shit because we complicate it in the first place. The most basic idea of discrimination and racism is how we are treated because of our difference.

So when these kids were being styled, all of their hair was in a state of disarray. To brush and comb and make neat the Black girls tight coils… or to smooth down and lengthen her texture, cuz that’s what all the appalled people really want… when that was not done to the other children, teaches her that her hair is not good enough to even be photographed as is. That after a long day of playing she should be ashamed of her natural state. Nope. Nope. Nope.

They are all just fine. They are children, they are in an ad campaign “Picture Day Style” and “Recess Fresh” …none of their hair is perfect. I had long ponytails and smooth hair by nature but recess turned into a different wild situation all together, and we don’t discuss picture day. Wanting her hair beat into submission is ridiculous and wrong. We speak of colorism often as this internal bias, and our hair being a source of external bias. But clearly we are just as internally biased about hair texture. She should know that how she is hair smooth and ponytails puffed out into perfect rounds is the same beautiful she is with her thick tight coils gathered. And you should check your foolishness. I love y’all but you’re dead wrong on this one. Say no to hairism.

We gotta stop trying to FIND racism. It doesn’t hide yo! Cultural insensitivity is not necessarily racist, but it should be minimized by company’s marketing team by hiring more people of color to inform them. But this, is neither. Check that fake outrage and sensitivity and call it what it really is… an internal bias. Y’all wanted to see her hair styled, and for Black people, women especially, that’s all hair laid down smooth and gathered into a lengthened puff or braid or braided down neatly. That wasn’t the point of the photo. So get over it, and again, check yourself.

All children deserve to be celebrated before and after. ALL THE CHILDREN!

Baby girl is a beautiful Black princess!

“Black pearl, precious little girl
Let me put you up where you belong
Black pearl, pretty little girl
You’ve been in the background much too long” -Sonny Charles and the Checkmates

Dead that Sh*t

I understand that confrontation is not easy, and I know that while the rest of us are stuntin’ on our haters and living life out loud and with reckless abandon, the tender amongst us are like…

… when someone attempts to shade, bully, embarrass, or shit on them.

“But I’m a good person out here in these streets!”

Yes you are, and you deserve good things and people who treat you well. But sometimes, SOME of the TIME… you gotta give folks a healthy dose of I got your bitch and your hoe! Believe it or not, it promotes unity.

When you use the things you observe, hear, feel, smell, and learn, or bring into yourself, to define you on your terms, you start to see so much clearer. It is because the processing of that information and your actions based on that analysis bring you closer to understanding who you really are… despite the things that other people have told you, forced upon you, or try to manipulate into your spirit. You know, without a doubt that you were born, with “3 dollars and six dimes”, 360 degrees of complete and whole human. Inside of that circle you have all the gifts you need to gather together all your hopes, dreams, thoughts, and words and bring them into fruition. Some other person’s opinions of you don’t matter.

You can choose to either ignore them fully or confront them peacefully. I fall really smack dab in the middle. Sometimes it’s best I don’t go in,because once inside I’ll go full on batshit.

Other times it is very necessary to stop whatever hurt they might be causing me. Here’s the kicker… that’s for ME not them. I’m responsible for my own healing, and that means peacefully addressing those people who threaten my healing. It’s not confrontation unless you make it adversarial… it’s teaching if you make it a lesson.

There is an art to deading shit… not making it worse, not causing more conflict, but making it go away. And yes, cuz like I’ve told y’all before, I’m an artist, so I am gonna share with you all the paint brush strokes to happy little trees in the jungle of life’s weeds.

….

Dead That Shit 101

Maybe Melinda makes messy comments to you all of the time. She’s either completely unaware of the power of words or trying to bombard you with her negativity. How do you dead that shit?

Perhaps Philip thinks he’s helping by pointing out your flaws… all your flaws… all the time. But he’s not, it’s just hurtful and unnecessary. How do you dead that shit?

Truthfully Tanya is jealous of you, and talks about you badly to others all the time. She spreads untrue rumors about you and has a general dislike for you based on nothing in particular (but her own issues). How do you dead that shit?

Sadly Sally only likes you when you are doing what she approves of. The minute you stray from her preferred image of you, she’s got so much to say to you about how you wronged her by being yourself. Sally is a clown, but you are being hurt by Sally’s words. So how do you dead that shit?

Or Orlando might just say things in jest… meaning nothing hurtful, but that’s not how you hear it or process it. While he’s just joking or messing with you, you don’t find that mess humorous in the least. How do you dead that?

You could go all knuck if you buck on em, but that doesn’t solve your hurt or stop the behavior. Anyone coming at you sideways needs to be set straight.

“I don’t owe you my soul or my spirit. Who I am is enough and if it’s not enough for you, then it may be time to move on from what used to be a friendship but now is a sinking ship. If you are determined to manipulate my feelings, I’m exiting at the next destination to get far away from you.

If you want my friendship, hurting me isn’t an option. If you want peace, hurting me isn’t an option. But either way, I’ll secure my peace.”

You can write that down and read it verbatim, that’s a freebie, or get into the spirit of remembering, with clear and complete understanding, who TF you are in all of your splendor, and speak from your heart. They’ll show and prove, or go overboard. But either way, rigor mortis has officially set in on that topic.

And notice, you don’t have to address, ask for explanation, or discuss what was said, why, when, or any of that Love and Hip Hop bullshit. It’s pointless. The behavior must end or the relationship, no matter how closer or distant, ends. Simplicity is best. I mean what is more simple… you either let it live or kill it.

How do you dead that shit:

Remember who you are AT ALL TIMES… and don’t let fear of rejection stop you from confronting the things you fear head on and dead on. You won’t be friends with everyone. Everyone won’t like you. Sometimes you WILL take things the wrong way. But only a psychotic mofo with a death wish won’t understand where you are coming from and respect your gangsta. A tender kinda gangsta, but a gangsta no doubt!