The Undoing…

What drives people to be unfaithful, to be so disloyal to someone they claim to love that they will share themselves with someone outside of their relationship, commitment, marriage.
Lack of self-control?

I would like to venture that it’s not the act in and of itself that is the most painful to that person’s mate. It is the deception, the lie, the failure to be honest about where one was, what they were doing, the distortion of the who , what, when, where, and why. And that deception is not the actual act, but the source of the most difficult result of the act. And what drives that…

The sheer audacity to assume that your truth will remain hidden, when we ALL know that the truth always comes out… in some form or another… always. That’s the work of the most irrational, asinine, and self-protecting part of the psyche.
It is not the fault of being ignored or feeling lonely. It is the fault of audacity.

The complete destruction of trust and safety. The realization that this person you share a life with, space with, who in your most vulnerable state you sleep next to, would sacrifice your shared trust and your personal safety in the name of protecting themselves, over your unit. The audacity, the deception, the egotism… that is the undoing.

Be responsible. Honor your commitments. Be strong enough to communicate through whatever fear, lack, challenge, temptation might be at play. Don’t sacrifice your 80 for a dalliance with 20, and there will be nothing to undo.

Hart of the Matter

So have y’all watched the Kevin Hart documentary? Well if not, I’m about to talk about it so come back after you watch it. Anyway, I am a few episodes in and I see a lot of commentary on his cheating scandal and his wife, Eniko Hart’s reaction and commentary. His cheating…yet her words are at issue.


This isn’t a bash Kevin Hart thing… trust, I understand that people make mistakes and have lapses of good judgement. Bad decisions. People also should own and admit responsibility for their chosen failures and seek whatever redemption is necessary. Seems like he has done the latter. He also clearly strives to be a better husband and a much better father to his children than what he witnessed. Props for that. Mad props. But be clear… his indiscretions don’t make his wife or anyone BUT HIM at fault or in any way responsible for his shitty behavior. His shit.

The Blame Game…

I’m happy now that it kind of happened… he’s a better man now because of it“-Eniko Hart

Her reaction and her grace towards him are her own and she has every right to it. Now… be clear… I don’t understand that shit at all. At all. Sure someone might learn from their mistakes and be dedicated to making good decisions, I get that. But there is no way I personally would be happy to be cheated on. No way. I can’t say if I’d stay or not, because I’m not having any more kids and I’m not with someone who has cheated. However, I can assure you that happy would not be on my list of emotions. But again, her right.

More importantly, given the circumstances of the situation, learning about it via social media, being pregnant, the extortion from his longtime friend, fame, and the very public embarrassment, let’s not act like this situation is your typical, run of the mill, situation. It is not. She was put in a horrible position at the worst possible time. Yet there is something about the growth and betterment she speaks of that is reminiscent of what tends to happen to and with women in these situations. It’s what makes her words sad.

So very often women’s actions are torn apart and analyzed as if they made the indescretion. That is unfair and riddled with sexism and the hatred of women. More importantly, women are expected to forgive and then give accolades for a man changing his behavior when that change came at her expense. That too is unfair and riddled with sexism and the hatred of women. Search Twitter for #KevinHart and tons of women make these points, but very few men. Men need to hear from other men that their mistreatment of women and toxic masculinity is bullshit. Men and women cheat, it’s wrong af. Women rarely get out of that unscathed from being called a whole whore. It is often excused for men.

You could see in her face she ingested his responsibility to be good to her by excusing his behavior. Because that kind of hurt will land and reside somewhere, you could see it in her emotions, on her face, and hear it in her words, her voice. So often when men, especially celebrity men are unfaithful, their women are left to bear the brunt of the blame in some way or another.

“I don’t have my circle around me… when your circle is around you it’s kinda hard to do stupid shit… I didn’t have nobody with me.” -Kevin Hart

Everyone needs to own up to their shit. All of it. We should also not be blaming our inability to not cheat on our pregnant wife on other dudes. Nope.

See, THIS type shit is why people are side-eyeing him a bit harder after this documentary. He briefly talks about how he hurt his wife, but more focus is put on the extortion attempt because there was a videotape of the incident allegedly by a close friend. He and his friends repeatedly say it is because they were not there. Nope. He had ALL the responsibility to remain faithful to his pregnant wife. Hopefully behind closed doors his friends called him on his shit… and didn’t just emphasize their absence but his presence somewhere he did not belong. It’s not just about something unnecessary happening to him that hurt his image… he did this to his family… he betrayed his wife during one of the most fragile times of her life. And the dude who videotaped it is extra special foul. But that man did not make him cheat on his wife either. Stop it.

How about this: Don’t cheat…. period. Alone or with friends. In Vegas or LA. Famous or regular. Male or female.

The heart of the matter is this… Own your shit and protect others from its stink!

Looking… at the Front Door

  1. Check your phone
  2. Stalk you on social media to see whose booty pic you liked.
  3. Sneak watch you texting people.
  4. Give a DAMN about any of that.

That’s a list of what I’m NOT gon do!

So let’s be honest. Black men don’t cheat my ass… they cheat, women cheat, Indian transsexuals cheat, Tibetan polyamorous bisexuals cheat. People are imperfect. People are stupid. People are selfish. People are tempted and weak. But what won’t happen, is me looking for your cheating.


The cliches are true…

What is done in the dark will come to light!

If you go looking for trouble, you’ll find it.

But if you got a job, a life, take care of your skin, and drink your own water, you don’t have time to concern yourself with the transgressions of other individuals who don’t respect or care about your feelings and who give up.

Cheating is giving up. A cheater is a quitter. Instead of dealing with issues that arise they take your relationships trade secrets outside of the relationship and with it their intimacy, insecurity, and infidelity. Flag on the play! Now if you choose to forgive and move forward with that person, cheers to you! However, cheating, that is a deal breaker over this way.

But looking at attractive women, talking about attractive women, sharing with their friends, communicating with their friends… it ain’t cheating. It’s not something I care to spend any time worrying about… because you can be sure I’m looking at these fine chocolate brothas, talking to my friends about these fine chocolate brothas, talking to my friends when I need to, and checking on ALL of my people. I have zero interest in cheating on anyone, but I’m neither blind nor dead and fine is fine… okay. Most importantly, I am secure in mine. If you wanna give up this 80 and go get that 20, go ahead. But numbers don’t lie… only men and women do.

I’m a fan of not just emotional intelligence but sexual intelligence. The sight of a beautiful woman should be something you look at, it’s aesthetically pleasing, and ABSOLUTELY healthy and normal. If you looked at me that way, chances are you see all these other fine ass girls too. Finding someone attractive and acting on that attraction are two entirely different things. The ability to do the former without engaging in the latter… a sign of sexual intelligence.

So follow Big Booty Judy on Instagram if you want… but have some fucking loyalty… if the sneakers she has on with those booty shorts are fire… show your girl. Keeping that kinda stuff from me will get you thank you nexted. All that other, I’m unconcerned with.

But go sharing the ole bait and tackle… that’s a one way ticket to Nopelandia and I live in Yestopia.

“I say it now like I said it before
I’m lookin’ at the front door” -Main Source