“I’m That Girl” Energy

So this isn’t specifically about Sha’Carri Richardson, but it is inspired her “I’m That Girl” energy… that big boss energy… that oh you fancy hunh …hair did, nails did, everything did… energy, that Meg the Stallion “ahhhh” energy, that Beyoncé stripper kick energy.

It’s our time to be cocky and confident and courageously outward about just how dope we are. Period.

But like EVERYTIME a woman dare flex her muscles, here comes some weak ass man releasing his negative energy… or to put it simply, talking shit. I won’t promote him by name, but I’m sure you can find this fool if you just search him on Facebook, but dude is definitely on his Kevin Samuels shit. And even though he sounds just like him, he even calls Samuels feminine and he assigns to women that are strong, in body and mind, confident, and über talented the masculine label. That’s a clear sign he has ZERO idea what he is talking about. Case in point, his rant about Queen Olympian Richardson.

First, feminine and masculine energy is in all of us. The claim that her face or body makes her masculine is not only aesthetically untrue (she’s a beautiful girl expressing her personal style, period) but a false narrative. She is the divine feminine and rests perfectly centered between masculine and feminine energy as we all should, a doer and a feeler. This woman is physically fit, a dreamer, intuitive, self-aware, self-confident, and nurturing. Listen to her, read an article, educate yourself on a topic before you voice your misinformed negative opinion. She is divinely made. Recognize! But sadly, this ass rat’s page is full of these anti-woman rants.

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He represents a subset of Black men who are so unhappy with themselves, they spend their time criticizing and putting down women. Then he has the nerve to put the moniker King in his name… cuz surely God didn’t bless this clown with said surname. He is talking about the bible and non-modest women one minute, then bragging of “knocking down” older women… some real HAN way of saying he slept with them. Knocking down? We trees now? Clown. And I won’t even start on the whole haughty foolishness. A woman being proud and out loud about her dopeness is only haughty to a weak ass dude. And guy is weak as a paper chain around a Rottweiler’s neck.

Dudes comment section is a lesson in how to come for a HAN, fa real. The Queens came dressed in their robes and coronation crowns to let him know how janky he is.

“A lioness never worries about the opinion of sheep… EVER!”

“Just say you inferior and move on…”

“Weak men just sit quietly please… learn how to talk less unless it’s something along the lines of “CONGRATS QUEEN!””

“Men going out of their way to reject women who don’t know they exist.”

“I hope she keeps turning up on yo ass!”

Absolutely! You see, gone are the days when sistas have to wait on White men, White women, Black men, and everyone from the area formerly known as Mesopotamia to big up them and validate their success. It’s I AM THE BAG energy all day and everyday up in this bitch because Oprah, Michelle, Angela (Rye and Bassett), Kamala, Bey, Meg, Serena, Naomi, Amanda, Issa, Gabrielle, Tracee, Tamar, Ava, Jill, Erykah, Abby, Stacey, Simone, and Sha’Carri said so! We are breaking ceilings and barriers, stereotypes and systems, to claim our dominance, power, and influence. If you don’t like it, the suggestion is that you just sit these next 100 centuries out and wait until we’ve had enough of celebration this dope ass shit called being a Black woman!

And yes, we are strong, beautiful, smart, free, wild, gentle, loving, sassy, petty af sometimes, stylish, hard-working, change makers, big ballers, shot callers, responsible for each other, and down to ride to the bloody end for our people who are down to ride with us. If that’s too much for you. I suggest you boss your life up. Or perhaps you are a false king like that fool above, that’s cool too. Off with your head, you peasant.

Ladies, keep up this Queen energy! It’s self-care and self-love wrapped up into one! And f*#% the haters!

Defeminization

I love men… they get on my nerves, but I love them. Like many men are just in awe of the female spirit, form, and beauty… I love male energy. Hair on the face, muscles in the arms, verified members of the #strongbacksociety, and a lil bravado… a star is born! That masculinity, cloaked in strength and pride, is very easy to break with any feminine reference. If you have ever told a man he was acting like a girl, or worse called him a bitch, you’ve seen the cracks forming as he goes from 0-100 in defense of his manhood and rejection of any semblance of being similar to the softness of a woman he wants so much.

I was talking to a girlfriend and she noted that the break of the male ego, often termed emasculation, had no female counterpart. That no matter what was said to women, it wasn’t looked at as some attack on her womanhood. As if only fractured manhood was problematic.

It got me to thinking…

In that same conversation we discussed chivalry and the general belief that it stems from some patriarchal bullshit regarding a woman being ultimately weak and emotional. Based in feudalism and times when only white women were put on pedestals to keep their feet free from sharks in the life waters beneath… too soft and stupid to defend themselves… it doesn’t lend itself to every woman.

And it dawned on me: the same way the threat against white male supremacy is often juxtaposed against the men they seek to claim are not real patriarchs (black men, poor white men, and the male allies of women), the threat of emasculation is often only socially claimed by men against the very women they seek to claim are less than women… feminists and women of color.

There is a reason why women of color and feminists tend to reject chivalric code… it was generally never meant for us! And our independence, strong sense of self, and rise against the patriarchy is a threat to their manhood. It is only upon our subjugation that their manhood is built.

Defeminization is historic.

It’s the reason slave women were relegated to objects of work. Even when white men desired slave women sexually, they claimed it as simply adding to the slave population. It’s the reason Black women’s bodies were put on display. It’s the reason why white abolitionists such as Susan B Anthony, Sarah Grimké, and Lucretia Mott were never married. Other famous abolitionists women Angelina Grimké, Elizabeth Candy Stanton, and Harriet Beecher Stowe were married to fellow abolitionists and preachers. White businessmen who profited from slavery would never have married them. These women weren’t seen as delicate and feminine, as Sojourner Truth, stated:

That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain’t I a woman? 

More modern day feminists like Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan, Angela Davis, and even Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama were criticized for their looks, compared aesthetically to animals, and despite how attractive they may have been to many, likened to men to somehow twist their powerful and on point messages to male bashing.

Yet it doesn’t end with feminists.

No group of women has been as defeminized than Black women, to the point where many of us don’t feel deserving of the care and protection that a man is biblically called upon to show us. Through the systematic emasculation of our men, we have become the workers of our communities: the teachers, the doctors, the parents, the providers. It becomes difficult to nurture ourselves and allow ourselves to be nurtured. While our men were tilling fields day in and out, we worked, with a baby latched on one hip and one breast, pulling off cotton with one hand and snapping beans into a basket near our feet with the other. When our men were being laid off of industrial jobs, we got jobs and came home with broken nails and corns. While they were filling up prisons, we took care of whole houses ourselves. As they are being gunned down, we mourn them one day and return to a life of toil the next. There’s a whole argument about Black women getting Father’s Day cards… it’s real!

Most of us don’t recognize chivalry, we aren’t totally familiar with it, and we don’t want it encroaching on our independence. Many women reject a man’s coat over the puddle because she isn’t and has no desire to be treated like a dainty porcelain figurine. Hell, we don’t even have that shit as tchotchkes in our house. We work hard at being dope AF… and there is nothing weak about that. But weakness as femininity is a fallacy. Being a woman, is not just one thing, it is as diverse as we are. Tall, short, Amazonian or petite, straight or queer, thin or plus, creative, nerdy, intellectual, goth, bohemian, witty, blond, blond or brunette, girly or androgynous, modern or traditional. All of it beautiful and phenomenal!

Those of us on the short end of defeminization must remember that all men are not white supremacists. All men don’t seek to control women. Some men appreciate our strength and independence, and most men recognize our beauty and power. Despite women of color being seen as too strong, too loud, and too everything and feminists being seen as hairy, braless, men haters, there is someone who wants to give us the space and place to be just who we are, a woman. That isn’t a bad thing!

I have come to accept and appreciate it, because after all…

To my sista … allow him to treat you with all of the tenderness that he can muster, love and honor you as his check mate, the Queen, and to protect you like a lion, the King.

Be Clear…

I am a woman…

I smell good, my touch is soft, I can whisper the grocery list to you and make you close your eyes and see stars… it’ll sound so sweet. My hair is fluffy like nimbus clouds. The curve of my waist a perfect place to lay your head… my derrière the best armrest or like a handful of cotton candy. I can love you long time and make you love me at first sight. I can nurture you into comfort, and calm you like peace. But, my darling, be REAL clear…

I can put down tile

I can pull up carpet

I can change a tire, but I don’t ever want to!

I know what a carburetor is and the top pick in the NFL draft.

I have a degree in psychology and one in hard knocks

I take shots

I can beat you in spades

I might not outrun you but I can hold a plank longer, guaranteed!

I drink ACV straight even though it tastes like lighter fluid, but wellness…

I bleed monthly and don’t die or cry or want a band aid

I balance checkbooks and lives

I can smash tacos and margaritas

I make a bomb ass macaroni and cheese from scratch and a pretty decent pound cake

I have carried shit as heavy as me on my back

I have carried you, if not physically, emotionally

I pushed a person out of a tiny hole

I am raising a person to be whole

I love

I give

I speak up and out

I pray

I scream

I cry

I will fight

I hit hard

I can get real cute in heels or sneakers

I can rock pajamas like it’s my job

I bring out the best in people

I bring out other’s insecurities

I rock hard for humanity

Yet I can drop you like a bad habit, cold turkey

Healing is my ministry

Love is my passion

I can sink ships

And I can launch rockets

I’m a rocket launcher, ya dig

I’m a boss

I can run the world.

… I am a woman!