We are happy for you and all…

We are still in a whole panini, still posting all our business… every single minute, claiming one way rivalries, sub tweeting and posting instead of addressing people directly as WHOLE adults, and still seeking validation for our every move. It’s been a year since we’ve been in the house and it had definitely taken it’s toll. But I’m tired of ya’ll and I want you to do and be better. I feel obligated to tell you about yourselves.

To start, since I am an equal opportunity shit starter, I will begin with myself. I need to definitely ditch some shit that means me no good, I need to delete Door Dash off my phone, take on five less projects, and I need to do as much for myself as I am willing to do for others… and it can’t just be retail therapy, buying shit is not only what self-care is made of. I get on my own nerves. So trust me, I’m not just gonna get all up in your business. I too must get on the good foot. I cannot expect results while I sit idle.

So back to y’all. Stop it.

The internet has fooled us into thinking people support us, care about our lives, and want to see us win. Unless your village got swallowed by a sinkhole, chances are they are directly invested in your success. Your people are your family, friends, close network, your “how many of us have thems”. The rest of us, we care but only for a little while. Some of us on your friends list will clap for you a few times when you celebrate your successes… fa sho… but eventually we just see that shit and keep it moving. Not because we aren’t happy for you… we are… but we got 500 FB friends and some number of folks on Instagram, subscribe to our cousins not so great podcast, listen to a few Clubhouse chats, do Tik Tok challenges with our kids, and we stay on Twitter cuz it’s fast and only 140 characters and not four paragraphs of someone’s theory on why Malcolm ate that mac and cheese like it really was good. We busy… and we already know your kid is smart and you have three side hustles, a perfect spouse, and a 800 credit score. We wanna be down… blah blah blah. But we just don’t have time to care.

This is not hater syndrome, be clear, we are happy for you. But eventually we just feel obligated to tell you how great you are because you keep posting about it. And fewer and fewer people come to your party. So for those of us who are just too damn nice… of which I am not one… really consider why you must tell us every move of your success meter. If it’s just excitement, then carry on… who I am I to tell you not to be geeked. But if it’s to get validation from people around you because you want to be seen… stop. We see you, we saw you, we’ll see you again. That need to be acknowledged is but a degradation of your greatness… it’s neither necessary nor healthy.

Did you know Jay-Z sold half of Ace of Spades to LVMH to the tune of around 100 Million and a share of his interest in Tidal to Square for $297 Million in the past month. Big King King Boss moves… made in silence. You probably didn’t know unless you keep up with such things … and you still thought he was a certified successful billionaire boss.. right? When you move with confidence, folks don’t need all the particulars to see you are shining.

So relax… we see you. Oh and Sidebar… when you have something to say to someone in direct response to a comment they made, address them directly, that whole subtweet/subpost, I’m talking to and about you without talking to you, among fully grown people, is some heaux shit. What we are nit gonna do is address folks while simultaneously leaving them out of the conversation as a way to silence people. Nope. Don’t do it. Bottom line… when you have something to say, go ahead, just ensure it’s coming from a healthy place and not a place of insecurity. Don’t invite all the strangers to your party just so the pictures make you look popular.. ya dig!

KonMari: The Social Media Edition

So a lot of my friends have completed or are attempting the tidying up method of Marie Kondo, which consists of keeping the things that spark joy in your life, giving some thing away, and getting rid of others. I don’t personally follow all of her ideas, I’m not folding all my clothes into perfect squares, but I do believe a clean and organized space creates opportunity for optimal use and peace.

Like my closet and my dresser drawers, my mind is a space as well… and I treat it much the same way. Social media and the multitude of swirling ideas and thoughts going on at once is something that takes up space in one’s mind, and in my mind, there are just some things I want to minimize. I don’t feel bad about it. I don’t care if people don’t like it or are so attached to social media likes and the length of their friends list it bothers them. But the unfriend button is your friend. I know I have I unfriended folks and the absence of their incessant complaints, humble bragging, and sometimes just their presence has sparked a joy in me.

Let me explain:

Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter are my social media sites of choice. I love a good meme, a powerful statement, an inspirational quote, a funny story, a life update, a friend’s thoughts on a current event, a little bit of shade, and a peppering of petty… but much like my real life, if I don’t deal with you in real life, if I’m not inspired by you, or just generally love your content, chances are I don’t really care what you have to say. That may come across unkind, and it’s not intended that way. It is simply the truth.

I’m not interested in folks who are rape apologists, racists, panderers to the patriarchy, R.Kelly “separate the man from his art” folks, hoteps, folks collecting friends and likes out of insecurity, keyboard gangsters who can’t hold a real conversation in person, blind followers, and anyone I used to talk to but decided against talking to in real life. Those people just add to my social media anxiety. I don’t want to even see anything they have to say because it’s likely to set me off, which will lead me to comment, or want to comment. That’s me. I’m sure you have your list… honor it.

When you clear up your timeline and fill it with inspiration, funny anecdotes, GOT conversations, and dance videos, it will make your social media time a break from your stressful life, not an addition. Read about, talk about, and view things that spark joy, and if there are people you follow who sour your experience, for your own peace, don’t be afraid to hit the button. And after you hit it, and your friend list goes down by one, post this:

If that meme doesn’t spark joy… we’ll probably never be Facebook friends or real friends, and you might be in your way to the “get rid of” pile!

Jokes, it’s just jokes.