Oh Al Gore’s internet is a muthafucka ain’t it. I mean it brought us Soulja Boy, Tabitha Brown, Chloe and Halle, hell, The Kardashians… who I despise, but aside from their show, their social media presence made then true multi-millionaires.
Now if you know me, you know I love the internet famous… starting with my favorite of all time, 50 Tyson… he was a rapper from Northside Zone, Twins City, Minnesota and in his debut video he made it clear , “I’m not gonna lie. I’m a ballplayer”.
He was a trailblazer. Fight me. Dude fascinated me for so many reasons, mainly his sincerity. My favorite jawn of his was “Hold You Down” with the iconic lyrics… “Can I be the one to hold you down, Can I be the one that hold you down. When you sad, I can hold you. When you happy, I can hold you down. Can I be the one that I can slow you down.”
Then 50Tyson begat JJIce Fish. Oh what can I tell you about JJIceFish… well, when I first heard him sing This Woman’s Worth, I wasn’t sure if he was trolling or serious. I was legit confused, just like the first time I saw Pootie Tang. Like is this funny because I’m not sure.
I mean! But then he kept going.. doing remixes of Drunk in Love and my personal fave, The Rawest of Them All to the Thuggish Ruggish Bone beat. The most interesting thing is that I have no doubt had he come along a few years later, JJIceFish would have blown TF up! I mean sure dude was super trolling, but the minor celebrity he gained would have increased ten fold in this time when Tik Tok is as much a source of entertainment as HBO. Bad singing and dancing one minute, commercials for microphones and dancing shoes the next.
The very next person I recall stoking my internet fame fire was Donna Gudeau, a woman arrested for driving a getaway car during a robbery. Her YouTube clips were filled with amazing pieces of pop culture brilliance, including…
But what made Gudeau most hilarious and at the same time made you feel for her, was her claim that she could see only “barely” and the way her voice went from regular degular to emo at the mere mention of her eyesight.
I mean if she was legally blind, chances are the getaway car wouldn’t have gotten away far, but if she could see, she needed to be handed an Emmy on sight. On. Sight.
And no one can forget good ole “Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That” Sweet Brown who was interviewed by reporters after an apartment fire.
Our good sis ended up with a song and everything.
When Tik Tok became a thing, there were tons of gems, but nothing really tickled my fancy until these two.
First, baby boy is killing whatever that is he is eating, and moreover that look is priceless!!!!! All his videos are super funny mainly because he looks like a little old man named Mr. Schwartz who might break out in Yiddish at any point in the conversation. And then there is Paris. Paris is gangsta! She is like 5 and you want absolutely no smoke. Trust. Some little girl was bullying her older sister, and Paris found out who it was.
Paris plays zero games. She is the epitome of FAFO! Whenever it’s a problem, Paris’s suggestion… “Let’s go fight!” Baby Knuck if you Buck. ♥️
So the other day my mother stops by, with a Tim Horton’s coffee and tons of bags in her hands. She sits the bags down, and her coffee tips over the side of the table onto the floor. AND SCENE! Who knew my voracious views of viral videos would mean I could spot one with such accuracy. I mean, before I even hit record, I told her the rant she had already started would do numbers… and her response… “Oh you still got time, cuz a bitch ain’t done!”
And it has over 6 million total views on Tim Tok, Twitter, and Instagram. It was shared by Rex Chapman, Revolt TV, and B.Scott. The likes of Tabitha Brown, a handful of reality stars, and Marsha Warfield commented. It was my first Tik Tok upload… SCORE!!!!!!! It was an epic rant, not her first for sure, but not necessarily a common event either… and it spawned a variety of comedic jewels.
“I live a good life, but a bitch can’t have no coffee!”
“You can be a good bitch and pray to Jesus, but a bitch can’t have a cup of coffee.”
“And I started to get an extra large. Do you know how much coffee that is, you can swim in an extra large.”
“A bitch gon live another 15-20 minutes, but a bitch can’t have no coffee.”
“It’s not enough coffee in here to wet a fleas pu$$y.”
“Guess I’ll have to lick the top.”
My mother ladies and gentleman! I mean, she is no stranger to folks telling her she needs her own show… well… you famous now Ma, the topic of water cooler conversations, text chats, and celebrity blogs! First Tik Tok, next Hollywood. Turn up!!!!