You were the trigger
You brought me to an obstructed view
When you knew the picture was bigger”-Jhene Aiko
Being triggered is reliving trauma. It is most certainly something that people who can only accept their own view as the proper and accepted view, and try to trash everyone else’s can easily cause, and in my opinion intend to cause. But being a trigger is dangerous… you shouldn’t put yourself in that position if you aren’t ready to cause a harm. And if whoever you are aiming at recognizes what you are doing, be prepared for that person to shoot. That’s Trigger 101. Fuck around…
The other day, I was minding my own business, debating about a topic …the notion that only a married man can lead/head a household… it was all was respectful and shit until the second coming of Sheherazad Ali chimed in, promoting her unique brand of shotepery (female hotep shit), and then attempted to belittle my opinions and characterize me. I’m cool until you disrespect me. I can debate all day without ever being nasty, but I was reminded that small minded folks don’t have that capability. That’s cool, do you. But don’t try to do me. Fuck around…
She wanted it. Came right out and asked for it. So I gave it to her. Oh, I hear quite well and I also know bullshit when I see it. To assume that your way is the only way, and then to insinuate that anyone who thinks alternatively is not only wrong but worthy of your disrespect is outrageous. So I gave this human the outrage she was asking for. I wasn’t triggered though, she didn’t cause me to relive a trauma. What she did do was try to insult my education. Your unscientific, random conversations, with people you sought out to prove your own anti-Black woman theories because you don’t like your own reality is not on par with my education. I don’t know what credentials you got… but let me slide mine across the table.
Also, be clear,I am smart. I have many plaques and I’m working on more… but be careful with me. Do not mistake these SAT words, wit, and great writing skills… this smart shit is not weak shit. There is more than one kind of trigger my nigga.
Seriously, the incident made me take inventory of who I engage with in social media. First, folks mistake their opinions for facts. Facts are not up for agreement or disagreement. What I do in my home is a fact, it can be proven by observation. It’s not AVAILAbLE for you to agree or disagree with. Second, folks are so one-sided they only subscribe to ideas and thoughts that mimic or match what they think or believe already, like opposing views are so detrimental to their beliefs they don’t even want to hear or consider them. That means your beliefs aren’t very securely held… that doesn’t make the opposing view wrong. Third, when people jump bad they wanna claim you are overreacting or being “triggered” when you react. No I’m pe. You should either assess who you are playing with or just assume they are a rabid dog looking to bite. What you should not do is be disrespectful… ever.
Instead of triggering me, what it did was highlight even more for me what values I hold dear. There a few things that I’m so passionate about that I will not agree to disagree… and that is primarily anything that centers White, heterosexual, Christian, maleness and disregards the very real experiences of others. Miss me with patriarchial, racist, sexist, anti-cultural, White fragility and supremacy, anti-educated Black women tropes. Things that value tradition, tend to devalue difference, and as such I’m very non-traditional. I’m also pro-Black woman, so propaganda that equates Black women’s education, independence, and high standards as “bondage” is dangerous and oppressive to me.
It is very nearly impossible to become an educated person in a country so distrustful of the independent mind.James Baldwin
How can you claim to be educating folks when you don’t even value the very thing that open and honest education breeds… independence. Get outta here with that nonsense.
I’m not about to buy into is this hotep adjacent theory that educated Black women are aligned with patriarchy and colonialism by virtue of being educated. Any Black person with any understanding of this countries history is aware of the limitations purposely inherent in the education of Black people. We have to be especially careful and aware of what we are being fed because much of it could be poisonous. But that is inherently a factor highly educated Black people have to constantly consider. An uneducated person wouldn’t know that.
But any person, let alone any Black woman who believes that Black women’s independence is akin to slavery is dangerous. Any woman that believes the only way for a woman to have a valuable life is to be married is dangerous. The Bible states that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing… she’s a good thing already. It is important to me that Black women understand their inherent value, and don’t simply attach their value to carrying someone else’s last name. You can want to be married and be a fan of marriage without also believing you are trash alone.
Furthermore, tradition in America centers Whiteness and maleness… period. Messaging that only men, only married people (an institution that you can believe in, while still understanding it’s tradition in America places men in superior roles over women, heightens men’s social value, and protects White wealth), only White people, and only anything that excludes marginalized people is a source of deep trauma, particularly for Black women. We experience so many intersectional -isms, that those of us who are conscious about things that seek to oppress us, are unmoving in our beliefs against that tradition. That doesn’t mean we don’t value White people, married people, or men. Many of are or have been married to men, some of then White. But we reject the notion that only structures those people build are acceptable and proper. That is simply not true.
People want so badly to have their lives and beliefs justified… that they close off and try to censor any message that looks different. That’s not being smart, that… that is being triggered. That is reliving trauma. Read that again. Someone told you your opinion didn’t matter, your choices were bad, you picked the wrong fork in the road, and you believed it so much that you are force feeding yourself acceptance and assurance to the point of arrogance. You think being solid in your beliefs looks like being unaccepting of other’s. Anyone who comes along with a different point of view is gonna get your rebuttable or maybe even your disrespect. A rebuttable usually just gets a response. Disrespect though… fuck around and find out.
I encourage people to stand up for what they believe in, remain open to other points of view, and know what words mean before they go using them all willy nilly. It might be your view that is obstructed…